Traveling and Working Moms

It seems that everyone under the sun has written about the complexities of being a working mom..and then add to it...a working mom who travels. I really have nothing new or original to say about it, which is largely why I haven't blogged about it yet. But over the weekend, I had to travel for work (and managed to squeeze in some fabulous friend/fun time) and my reaction to it, once again, took me by surprise. So now, kitty will speak on it.

First, let's revisit about this time last year, give or take a month. Returning to work after maternity leave was not what I expected. Maternity leave itself was an emotional rollercoaster for me. It seems that some women have found their calling, like an angel singing from heaven, and are happy beautiful new moms, soaking in the joy of their sweet new baby.

It's possible I despise those people and will just call them liars.

Kitty time...was not this mother.

It was all a fog for me. I actually enjoyed being alone for the first time in my life. I went from being the person that mocks crying women...to a full-blown crying woman. I graduate from crying in the shower every evening, to waking up crying, to crying on walks, to wondering what I had gotten myself into, to crying at the thought of having to leave this precious baby and return to work.

Reason or not, yours truly was crying. And somewhat out of her mind.

And so - the time came for me to return to work full time. Before having a baby, I expected to jump right back into the swing of things, return to work, and really not think twice about it. I NEVER expected to be the person that cried my way to work for quite some time.

I even..gasp...cried AT WORK those first few days back and asked people not to ask about my baby.

I then got busy mommy-tracking myself. Avoiding work trips, not really searching for new projects, coming in late, leaving early because suddenly - I no longer wanted to run the department...I sorta wanted to run away from it and back to my baby.

Which brings me to my work trip.

I was gone for 24 hours kids. My husband astutely pointed out that my baby would be awake for maybe 6 of the 24 hours I was gone.

And yet. I cried when I left the house.

I wouldn't let him bring her to the door to wave goodbye to me. I just slipped out and cried. Sure, I got it together a few minutes later - but was this really me? I mean - what the? Who the? How the?

It's true. It's moi now. I missed her while I was gone. I hated that I missed precious weekend time with her and it all just exacerbated my concerns that she isn't attached to me enough because I work full time.

I have nothing brilliant to say about any of this business of working and balancing life - except that it's hard and all I learned is that you might find yourself to be a completely different person once you have that baby than you were before. Just roll with it because it is what it is.

I am now a crier. I can't mock anyone for crying at commercials anymore.......