Friday, February 16, 2007

Kitty Time Has Moved

Dear readers - From now on, I am only going to post at:

SO bookmark it and forget this site!

Exposing myself

Dear readers -

As I considered the various things to post about today, I carefully weighed the pros and cons of each of my ideas, but felt that something was missing from each of them. And so, I thought more. What stroke of genius can I bring to KT fans today? What other way can I mock someone, expose myself or ridicule the President?

I decided that exposing myself is the way to go. I've done enough of it already, so why stop now?

For any other fellow mommy's out there, I think we can all agree that we have very little left to hide once we've birthed a child and breastfed for a while. Really - where has the privacy gone? The reality is this: There is no time for modesty in motherhood.

And so, for your amusement, I will reveal that my obsessive desires to stalk and control every ounce of my daughter's day, in my absence, have peaked to an all-time high. My watch level is higher than the government's useless terrorist alert color coding system that no one understands but just creates panic and hysteria in the streets. I'm like a liberal, sane, attractive and not psychotic John Ashcroft up there, people, declaring the alert level is now higher than red. It's like neon orange. (and for the record, I allow statues with a woman's exposed bosom to stand behind me when at the podium).

Is it because she's mobile now?

Is it because she's more curious about the world and communicating more clearly? Not only can she point out a hat or something that is hot, she also is busting out in Spanish, asking for aqua when thirsty. Clearly she is a baby genius, right?

And so, my obsessive desire to make sure her day is fulfilled, challenging, adventurous and encouraging of her creative spirit, is spilling over into new levels of insanity.

Over the course of the last two weeks, I have found myself second-guessing, questioning and doubting my nanny at every turn.

Fortunately, KT is not stupid. I know that the nanny is the most important person in my life after my child (and my husband, of course. yeah right) - and so I treat her with the utmost kindness and friendship (example: three big gifts for her daughter's 4th birthday yesterday).

But when she leaves - you better believe I am left wondering, why wasn't she out in the playroom with darling daughter AGAIN tonight, why is she giving her so much cheese, is she pumping her with cookies instead of fruit, did she read her a book, why was darling daughter crying when I called, she NEVER cries when we are home (yeah, right), and so on and so forth.

After a year of having her come every single day, why have I found myself more obsessed with how she plans out my daughter's days? I've even retired the baby tracker. And yet, I find myself considering a nanny cam (don't worry, I would never) and encouraging my mom to drop by on unscheduled and ambush style visits.

Where is this coming from?

Is it rooted in my ongoing desire to work less and be home more? And so, the only way I can compensate is by overly obsessing over what happens when I am gone?

Is it stemming from the fact that my darling baby is clearly a toddler now - one with a voracious appetite to learn and explore - and I want to make sure she is being challenged enough?

I really have no idea.

But you can bet your bottom dollar, I am obsessed. It's sad, but true, dear friends.

Thursday, February 15, 2007

I've been tagged

My sister tagged me with some dumb game -

And while I generally ignore such games, I am otherwise uninspired on this cold February morning, so I will play along. The purpose of the game is to reveal three things about moi that you might not already know. Yes, I am a woman of mystery and many secrets, surely you know first let's review what you do know about moi:

1. I believe the President might be one of the dumbest people walking around town and am embarrassed that he is occupying the White House.
2. I want to lick the screen whenever I see Bill Clinton on the TV.
3. I get borderline homicidal when I have to wait in traffic or in line.
4. I procrastinate all of my work until the very last few hours before a deadline and then work like a maniac to get it all done - and get super pissed off if my friends or family dare interrupt me during this time (meanwhile, you better be accessible to me when I want to play!) 5. I love food.
6. I used to mock emotional people until I had a baby and now I cry at anything.
7. Borrowing the words of a dear readers' mother, my daughter fills my soul.
8. I love all things French.
9. I am a compulsive Internet shopper..and subsequently, I return almost everything.
10. I hate to drive.

So now, three things you might not know about me - let's see if I can surprise any of you with these:

1. When emotional about anything, my stomach pays the price.
Story: When I was 6, I puked the entire flight to Orlando and the entire bus ride to Disney World and then chowed down on fried chicken and ice cream when we reached the Disney Characters buffet. Anyone surprised?

2. I think Girl Scouts are the devil -neck and neck with the Vice President.
Story: I know they only come out once a year but I cannot control myself. If you have a box of Samoas around me, I will eat the entire box in one sitting and cannot stop. It is like a magnetic force pulls me to them and nothing can get in my way. If you dare reveal the fat count to me, I will abruptly end our friendship and disconnect you from my blog.

3. When I was almost 9 months pregnant, I yelled at an old man for cutting in front of me in line. He might have had a cane, but I was carrying a baby. And yes, he did get booted to the back of the line.....

Is anyone really surprised?

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Love Moi

Dear Readers -

Kitty-Time is blushing over all the tokens of love and affection her beloved fans sent her on Valentine's Day! All the notes, the dark chocolate, the beautiful flowers - you really shouldn't have! I know you think I'm pretty and smart, but those of you who called me "Beauty Queen Yoda," you really went too far. We barely have any empty vases left chez moi.......

And so, on this day of love, should we discuss all the ways you love moi? All the reasons you love moi? Mais Oui!

Or....shall we discuss being smart in love.....because Kitty-Time readers are not silly, naive women. Mais non! KT readers are savvy and sexy....

I was inspired by Sunday's Modern Love column in the NYT. Any of you catch it? The columnist covered all the standard mistakes people make in love. My two favs were as follows:

1. People who want to keep a childless marriage although they have children
2. People who believe they should make love like porn stars.

SO let's get started, kittens.

First up - those of you who are still in denial that your life and marriage is the same, even though you have children. Darlings. Gather round - not only are your life and marriage different, but so are your floppy boobies and flabby abs. I'm making your body sound like bunny characters out of an Easter tale, I'm sure you love it.

But Yes. Yes. Of course you had perfectly round and perky bosoms before. And yes, we all know you had rock-hard Jessica Biel abs. Of course you did. It's good that you believe that. But you don't anymore.
With the right bra and the right clothing (think SPANX, girls), you can still give off the impression that you have these things - and that, my dear readers, is what counts! Feeling sexy makes you sexier to anyone around you. It's all about attitude, cats, so work it! And the more you believe that your boobies look like Jessica Simpson's and your tummy like Jessica Biel, the more this will become your reality! There's nothing wrong with that.

But back to your life and marriage. It's different. Accept it, deal with it, find a routine and a system that still gives you time for each other, don't fight it and you and your partner will find yourselves lucky in love like you were on your wedding night. If you keep denying the fact that your life is different, if you keep resisting the change that this beautiful babe has brought to your world..well then...sorry......Cupid's got his golden arrow pointed right for your ass.

Now, as for having a love life like a porn star.
That one makes me laugh out loud.

Kitty-Time is a believer in playing to your strengths and playing to your partner's strengths.
Has your partner shown that he is like Casanova in the boudoir before?
Do you have all kinds of XXX trixs up your sleeve that you can pull off like a natural?
If so, well then, you do make love like porn stars and it sounds fun!

If not, then quit your crying and wishing he'd become Casanova and instead, focus on his strengths. And yours.

Does he surprise you by making coffee and doing the laundry without you asking?

That's my kind of Casanova.

Does he remember to get milk on the way home without a whisper from you? Does he just make dinner and take the initiative?
Now you're talking dirty. It's getting hot in here.....

Seriously kittens.....KT hopes her dear readers don't set themselves up for disappointment. If your beloved doesn't have a track record of surprising you with gifts and flowers, well then, he's not going to start now. So don't be disappointed, be realistic on what to expect - and if you're looking for that white dress and busily planning your wedding....and he hasn't started those things yet, he sure as hell isn't going to start once he tears that white gown off you.

And so, dear readers, keep all the mementos of your affection for me coming. I might be blushing, but I love it.

Have a fabulous day of love. Love yourself, love your babies, and remember - play to your strengths and Cupid's Arrow will keep hitting your home and your heart.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Fashion Confessions & Insanity is Global

Dear Readers -

Kitty-Time just arrived to work.....more than just fashionably late (can I blame the weather?) only to discover a big break - someone beyond just my inner circle of friends is reading Kitty-Time! And she likes it! a true KT reader, we're all thinking, OF COURSE she likes it, KT is funny, sarcastic, fresh and well..cute, right? But seriously, what a fun way to start such a gloomy day.

And, our friend Rachel, DC's newest fashion critic, makes a good point in her response to my Ann Taylor critique....we all have it in our closets, and it's about how we mix it. C'est vrai. She is right (also - there is nothing ever right about Chicos). So, I will begin today's entry with a I read her entry: and then looked down at myself, I realized that I am wearing an Ann Taylor turtleneck and pants today. Lordy lordy - am I the pot calling kettle, or what?

Does bad weather give us the excuse to dress poorly?

Mais non! Because I added in my sweet new purchase from - anyone been to this store in Boston? I've only shopped online and as a true sucker for compliments, was sold when I received my purchases and found a tag on the inside that reads "You are a stylish girl."

Flattery will get you everywhere avec moi.

So, about those accessories. We all have pregnant friends. As they get bigger and bigger and the months pass, they begin to realize that all those "models" in preggo clothes - well, they're really not preggo models. They're just regular thin models with a fake bump. Maybe SOME of them are pregnant but honestly - they're like 4-5 months pregnant. And if you've given birth - you know that you ain't seen nothing yet at 4-5 months pregnant. Here's an example of what looks good on a model but not on a really pregnant woman, so don't fall victim ladies:

Now, what can you do as a preggo?


Jewelry - necklaces, earrings, scarves, purses, shoes (unless your feet are growing), these are your new best friend. Personally, as I grew larger, I realized that I hated large accessories. Anything too thick or heavy just made me feel thicker or heavier. And while we are all confessing, I will say that I've found some of my best jewelry purchases at Banana Republic. I just noticed that JCrew is now selling jewelry and then, let's not forget, the fabulous Super Hero Designs:
All the women in my family wear her jewelry and they really spruce up an otherwise dull outfit.

So go forth, dear readers, and accessorize, you can never go wrong and it will only disguise the inner-Ann Taylor in you.

Now, let's turn our attention away from fashion and towards a worldwide problem: preschool.

I bet you never knew that the insanity that ensues from preschool is, in fact, a global phenomenon.

Gather round kittens, if you have children, then you already know this. If you don't, you might think, once again, that I am exaggerating. And sure, I do love to exaggerate to improve an otherwise dull or mundane story, but sadly, this time, it's true.

It turns out that getting your snot-nosed twerp into preschool is a process that must begin when you see a positive result on your preggo test. And this extreme problem has crossed the pond and is reaching new levels even in London, if you read a recent story in the WSJ:

If only the French are also doing it, then I'll feel much better and almost fashionable, when I begin stalking my daughter's future preschool on a weekly basis in April. Stay tuned to find out if being cute, well dressed, willing to grease a few palms, and obsessively calling, helps her get in any sooner....

Monday, February 12, 2007

A new blog, someone else to judge

OK fellow inside-the-beltway readers.....Kitty-Time can't spend all day feeling haunted by yesterday's NYT story, so I am adding another entry for today.

In case you aren't aware, a new fashion blog for DC has launched...and before I logged on, I had so much hope.

Naturally, the first thing I wondered was - would I make it on there? Will I log on one day to see a pic of myself in the "Do" category for fashion in Washington? Mais Oui! It will surely happen. And of course, Kitty-Time challenges her other beltway readers to find themselves in the "DO" category of this new fashion site.

But - quelle horreur! I logged on with so much hope and anticipation...and the most recent entry features a "fashionable" woman wearing........


Isn't this what we are trying to NOT be known as, people?

I mean - if DC is ever going to get away from its hideous fashion reputation, then DC's first blog on fashion CANNOT be posting a picture of a woman in an ANN TAYLOR SWEATER.


Fortunately, there are some other fantastic dresses posted:

Is hope the only thing left?

Dear Readers -

Today's Kitty-Time entry is going to be depressing, but it's weighing very heavily on my mind. First off, Valentine's Day is Wednesday, as we all know. Any real K-T reader has already thought through what she'd like to receive this Valentine's....whether it be sparkly or have a sweet scent to it....

But again, I digress.

Around Valentine's Day, we often see attention for V-Day and the Vagina Monologues. Hopefully all my dear readers have seen this play and are aware of the V-Day campaign to stop violence against women and young girls. If not, please click here:

But what is really haunting me is an article I read in yesterday's NYT magazine about domestic violence and women seeking asylum in the United States.

The article is a must-read for everyone. It is important that we all are made aware of just how ridiculous our government is and how abused women are cast-off. The crux of the problem, beyond just the hideous man occupying the White House, is that in order to seek asylum in the U.S., an immigrant has to show how his/her "social group" is persecuted. Well, if you are severely abused by your husband, is your "social group" just that you are a woman? Apparently that isn't enough and our legal system is taking its sweet time figuring it all out. Also - you know how the government doesn't like to interfere in the personal lives of people in their own homes.

Unless it's convenient, like, under the guise of eavesdropping for national security.

Anyhow, what is really haunting me is that the woman featured in the story left behind her children in India. I am not judging her - let's be clear. I cannot even pretend to understand the hell she was living thanks to her husband. But what I can't get past is how awful and how painful and how life-threatening a situation must be for a woman to abandon her children, leave the country, and never know when or if she will see her children again.

This is what hasn't stopped haunting me since I read the article. In my wildest dreams, I can't imagine how awful life must be in order for me to abandon my darling daughter. It is probably much easier for me to sit here and say I would rather die than leave her, but on the flip side, perhaps the only thing you have in this kind of hell is hope. And if you leave because that is all you can do to stay alive, perhaps the only thing you have left is the hope that you will again see your children.

I don't know. I warned you that today's entry would be a tough one. I guess all I have left to say is that it's important to read articles like this, no matter how difficult to get through, because at the end of the day, all that matters on Valentine's Day is that we have a lot to love and be grateful for.

I'll be funny again tomorrow, unless I'm still haunted by this.