Friday, February 16, 2007

Kitty Time Has Moved

Dear readers - From now on, I am only going to post at:

http://kittytime.wordpress.com

SO bookmark it and forget this site!

Exposing myself

Dear readers -

As I considered the various things to post about today, I carefully weighed the pros and cons of each of my ideas, but felt that something was missing from each of them. And so, I thought more. What stroke of genius can I bring to KT fans today? What other way can I mock someone, expose myself or ridicule the President?

I decided that exposing myself is the way to go. I've done enough of it already, so why stop now?

For any other fellow mommy's out there, I think we can all agree that we have very little left to hide once we've birthed a child and breastfed for a while. Really - where has the privacy gone? The reality is this: There is no time for modesty in motherhood.

And so, for your amusement, I will reveal that my obsessive desires to stalk and control every ounce of my daughter's day, in my absence, have peaked to an all-time high. My watch level is higher than the government's useless terrorist alert color coding system that no one understands but just creates panic and hysteria in the streets. I'm like a liberal, sane, attractive and not psychotic John Ashcroft up there, people, declaring the alert level is now higher than red. It's like neon orange. (and for the record, I allow statues with a woman's exposed bosom to stand behind me when at the podium).

Is it because she's mobile now?

Is it because she's more curious about the world and communicating more clearly? Not only can she point out a hat or something that is hot, she also is busting out in Spanish, asking for aqua when thirsty. Clearly she is a baby genius, right?

And so, my obsessive desire to make sure her day is fulfilled, challenging, adventurous and encouraging of her creative spirit, is spilling over into new levels of insanity.

Over the course of the last two weeks, I have found myself second-guessing, questioning and doubting my nanny at every turn.

Fortunately, KT is not stupid. I know that the nanny is the most important person in my life after my child (and my husband, of course. yeah right) - and so I treat her with the utmost kindness and friendship (example: three big gifts for her daughter's 4th birthday yesterday).

But when she leaves - you better believe I am left wondering, why wasn't she out in the playroom with darling daughter AGAIN tonight, why is she giving her so much cheese, is she pumping her with cookies instead of fruit, did she read her a book, why was darling daughter crying when I called, she NEVER cries when we are home (yeah, right), and so on and so forth.

After a year of having her come every single day, why have I found myself more obsessed with how she plans out my daughter's days? I've even retired the baby tracker. And yet, I find myself considering a nanny cam (don't worry, I would never) and encouraging my mom to drop by on unscheduled and ambush style visits.

Where is this coming from?

Is it rooted in my ongoing desire to work less and be home more? And so, the only way I can compensate is by overly obsessing over what happens when I am gone?

Is it stemming from the fact that my darling baby is clearly a toddler now - one with a voracious appetite to learn and explore - and I want to make sure she is being challenged enough?

I really have no idea.

But you can bet your bottom dollar, I am obsessed. It's sad, but true, dear friends.

Thursday, February 15, 2007

I've been tagged

My sister tagged me with some dumb game - http://coffeebreakrevolutionstudios.blogspot.com/

And while I generally ignore such games, I am otherwise uninspired on this cold February morning, so I will play along. The purpose of the game is to reveal three things about moi that you might not already know. Yes, I am a woman of mystery and many secrets, surely you know that.....so first let's review what you do know about moi:

1. I believe the President might be one of the dumbest people walking around town and am embarrassed that he is occupying the White House.
2. I want to lick the screen whenever I see Bill Clinton on the TV.
3. I get borderline homicidal when I have to wait in traffic or in line.
4. I procrastinate all of my work until the very last few hours before a deadline and then work like a maniac to get it all done - and get super pissed off if my friends or family dare interrupt me during this time (meanwhile, you better be accessible to me when I want to play!) 5. I love food.
6. I used to mock emotional people until I had a baby and now I cry at anything.
7. Borrowing the words of a dear readers' mother, my daughter fills my soul.
8. I love all things French.
9. I am a compulsive Internet shopper..and subsequently, I return almost everything.
10. I hate to drive.

So now, three things you might not know about me - let's see if I can surprise any of you with these:

1. When emotional about anything, my stomach pays the price.
Story: When I was 6, I puked the entire flight to Orlando and the entire bus ride to Disney World and then chowed down on fried chicken and ice cream when we reached the Disney Characters buffet. Anyone surprised?

2. I think Girl Scouts are the devil -neck and neck with the Vice President.
Story: I know they only come out once a year but I cannot control myself. If you have a box of Samoas around me, I will eat the entire box in one sitting and cannot stop. It is like a magnetic force pulls me to them and nothing can get in my way. If you dare reveal the fat count to me, I will abruptly end our friendship and disconnect you from my blog.

3. When I was almost 9 months pregnant, I yelled at an old man for cutting in front of me in line. He might have had a cane, but I was carrying a baby. And yes, he did get booted to the back of the line.....

Is anyone really surprised?

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Love Moi

Dear Readers -

Kitty-Time is blushing over all the tokens of love and affection her beloved fans sent her on Valentine's Day! All the notes, the dark chocolate, the beautiful flowers - you really shouldn't have! I know you think I'm pretty and smart, but those of you who called me "Beauty Queen Yoda," you really went too far. We barely have any empty vases left chez moi.......

And so, on this day of love, should we discuss all the ways you love moi? All the reasons you love moi? Mais Oui!

Or....shall we discuss being smart in love.....because Kitty-Time readers are not silly, naive women. Mais non! KT readers are savvy and sexy....

I was inspired by Sunday's Modern Love column in the NYT. Any of you catch it? The columnist covered all the standard mistakes people make in love. My two favs were as follows:

1. People who want to keep a childless marriage although they have children
2. People who believe they should make love like porn stars.

SO let's get started, kittens.

First up - those of you who are still in denial that your life and marriage is the same, even though you have children. Darlings. Gather round - not only are your life and marriage different, but so are your floppy boobies and flabby abs. I'm making your body sound like bunny characters out of an Easter tale, I'm sure you love it.

But Yes. Yes. Of course you had perfectly round and perky bosoms before. And yes, we all know you had rock-hard Jessica Biel abs. Of course you did. It's good that you believe that. But you don't anymore.
With the right bra and the right clothing (think SPANX, girls), you can still give off the impression that you have these things - and that, my dear readers, is what counts! Feeling sexy makes you sexier to anyone around you. It's all about attitude, cats, so work it! And the more you believe that your boobies look like Jessica Simpson's and your tummy like Jessica Biel, the more this will become your reality! There's nothing wrong with that.

But back to your life and marriage. It's different. Accept it, deal with it, find a routine and a system that still gives you time for each other, don't fight it and you and your partner will find yourselves lucky in love like you were on your wedding night. If you keep denying the fact that your life is different, if you keep resisting the change that this beautiful babe has brought to your world..well then...sorry......Cupid's got his golden arrow pointed right for your ass.

Now, as for having a love life like a porn star.
That one makes me laugh out loud.

Kitty-Time is a believer in playing to your strengths and playing to your partner's strengths.
Has your partner shown that he is like Casanova in the boudoir before?
Do you have all kinds of XXX trixs up your sleeve that you can pull off like a natural?
If so, well then, you do make love like porn stars and it sounds fun!

If not, then quit your crying and wishing he'd become Casanova and instead, focus on his strengths. And yours.

Does he surprise you by making coffee and doing the laundry without you asking?

That's my kind of Casanova.

Does he remember to get milk on the way home without a whisper from you? Does he just make dinner and take the initiative?
Now you're talking dirty. It's getting hot in here.....

Seriously kittens.....KT hopes her dear readers don't set themselves up for disappointment. If your beloved doesn't have a track record of surprising you with gifts and flowers, well then, he's not going to start now. So don't be disappointed, be realistic on what to expect - and if you're looking for that white dress and busily planning your wedding....and he hasn't started those things yet, he sure as hell isn't going to start once he tears that white gown off you.

And so, dear readers, keep all the mementos of your affection for me coming. I might be blushing, but I love it.

Have a fabulous day of love. Love yourself, love your babies, and remember - play to your strengths and Cupid's Arrow will keep hitting your home and your heart.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Fashion Confessions & Insanity is Global

Dear Readers -

Kitty-Time just arrived to work.....more than just fashionably late (can I blame the weather?) only to discover a big break - someone beyond just my inner circle of friends is reading Kitty-Time! And she likes it!

Now..as a true KT reader, we're all thinking, OF COURSE she likes it, KT is funny, sarcastic, fresh and well..cute, right? But seriously, what a fun way to start such a gloomy day.

And, our friend Rachel, DC's newest fashion critic, makes a good point in her response to my Ann Taylor critique....we all have it in our closets, and it's about how we mix it. C'est vrai. She is right (also - there is nothing ever right about Chicos). So, I will begin today's entry with a confession....as I read her entry: www.projectbeltway.com and then looked down at myself, I realized that I am wearing an Ann Taylor turtleneck and pants today. Lordy lordy - am I the pot calling kettle, or what?

Does bad weather give us the excuse to dress poorly?

Mais non! Because I added in my sweet new purchase from www.annereagan.com - anyone been to this store in Boston? I've only shopped online and as a true sucker for compliments, was sold when I received my purchases and found a tag on the inside that reads "You are a stylish girl."

Flattery will get you everywhere avec moi.

So, about those accessories. We all have pregnant friends. As they get bigger and bigger and the months pass, they begin to realize that all those "models" in preggo clothes - well, they're really not preggo models. They're just regular thin models with a fake bump. Maybe SOME of them are pregnant but honestly - they're like 4-5 months pregnant. And if you've given birth - you know that you ain't seen nothing yet at 4-5 months pregnant. Here's an example of what looks good on a model but not on a really pregnant woman, so don't fall victim ladies:

http://www.isabellaoliver.com/io/Shop?DSP=30100&PCR=1:200:2000&IID=TP18

Now, what can you do as a preggo?

ACCESSORIES!

Jewelry - necklaces, earrings, scarves, purses, shoes (unless your feet are growing), these are your new best friend. Personally, as I grew larger, I realized that I hated large accessories. Anything too thick or heavy just made me feel thicker or heavier. And while we are all confessing, I will say that I've found some of my best jewelry purchases at Banana Republic. I just noticed that JCrew is now selling jewelry and then, let's not forget, the fabulous Super Hero Designs: www.superherodesigns.com
All the women in my family wear her jewelry and they really spruce up an otherwise dull outfit.

So go forth, dear readers, and accessorize, you can never go wrong and it will only disguise the inner-Ann Taylor in you.

Now, let's turn our attention away from fashion and towards a worldwide problem: preschool.

I bet you never knew that the insanity that ensues from preschool is, in fact, a global phenomenon.

Gather round kittens, if you have children, then you already know this. If you don't, you might think, once again, that I am exaggerating. And sure, I do love to exaggerate to improve an otherwise dull or mundane story, but sadly, this time, it's true.

It turns out that getting your snot-nosed twerp into preschool is a process that must begin when you see a positive result on your preggo test. And this extreme problem has crossed the pond and is reaching new levels even in London, if you read a recent story in the WSJ:

http://online.wsj.com/article_email/SB117125131394905531-lMyQjAxMDE3NzExMjIxNTIxWj.html

If only the French are also doing it, then I'll feel much better and almost fashionable, when I begin stalking my daughter's future preschool on a weekly basis in April. Stay tuned to find out if being cute, well dressed, willing to grease a few palms, and obsessively calling, helps her get in any sooner....

Monday, February 12, 2007

A new blog, someone else to judge

OK fellow inside-the-beltway readers.....Kitty-Time can't spend all day feeling haunted by yesterday's NYT story, so I am adding another entry for today.

In case you aren't aware, a new fashion blog for DC has launched...and before I logged on, I had so much hope.

Naturally, the first thing I wondered was - would I make it on there? Will I log on one day to see a pic of myself in the "Do" category for fashion in Washington? Mais Oui! It will surely happen. And of course, Kitty-Time challenges her other beltway readers to find themselves in the "DO" category of this new fashion site.

But - quelle horreur! I logged on with so much hope and anticipation...and the most recent entry features a "fashionable" woman wearing........

ANN TAYLOR.

Isn't this what we are trying to NOT be known as, people?

I mean - if DC is ever going to get away from its hideous fashion reputation, then DC's first blog on fashion CANNOT be posting a picture of a woman in an ANN TAYLOR SWEATER.

MON DIEU.

Fortunately, there are some other fantastic dresses posted:

http://www.projectbeltway.com/

Is hope the only thing left?

Dear Readers -

Today's Kitty-Time entry is going to be depressing, but it's weighing very heavily on my mind. First off, Valentine's Day is Wednesday, as we all know. Any real K-T reader has already thought through what she'd like to receive this Valentine's....whether it be sparkly or have a sweet scent to it....

But again, I digress.

Around Valentine's Day, we often see attention for V-Day and the Vagina Monologues. Hopefully all my dear readers have seen this play and are aware of the V-Day campaign to stop violence against women and young girls. If not, please click here:
http://www.vday.org/contents/vday/aboutvday

But what is really haunting me is an article I read in yesterday's NYT magazine about domestic violence and women seeking asylum in the United States.
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/02/11/magazine/11wwlnidealab.t.html?_r=1&ref=magazine&oref=slogin

The article is a must-read for everyone. It is important that we all are made aware of just how ridiculous our government is and how abused women are cast-off. The crux of the problem, beyond just the hideous man occupying the White House, is that in order to seek asylum in the U.S., an immigrant has to show how his/her "social group" is persecuted. Well, if you are severely abused by your husband, is your "social group" just that you are a woman? Apparently that isn't enough and our legal system is taking its sweet time figuring it all out. Also - you know how the government doesn't like to interfere in the personal lives of people in their own homes.

Unless it's convenient, like, under the guise of eavesdropping for national security.

Anyhow, what is really haunting me is that the woman featured in the story left behind her children in India. I am not judging her - let's be clear. I cannot even pretend to understand the hell she was living thanks to her husband. But what I can't get past is how awful and how painful and how life-threatening a situation must be for a woman to abandon her children, leave the country, and never know when or if she will see her children again.

This is what hasn't stopped haunting me since I read the article. In my wildest dreams, I can't imagine how awful life must be in order for me to abandon my darling daughter. It is probably much easier for me to sit here and say I would rather die than leave her, but on the flip side, perhaps the only thing you have in this kind of hell is hope. And if you leave because that is all you can do to stay alive, perhaps the only thing you have left is the hope that you will again see your children.

I don't know. I warned you that today's entry would be a tough one. I guess all I have left to say is that it's important to read articles like this, no matter how difficult to get through, because at the end of the day, all that matters on Valentine's Day is that we have a lot to love and be grateful for.

I'll be funny again tomorrow, unless I'm still haunted by this.

Thursday, February 8, 2007

Stop using guilt as a crutch

Hello Dear Readers -

Well.....of all the qualities Kitty-Time was blessed with - aww shucks..don't embarrass me with shouting out "Beauty," "Wit," "Brains," "That Smokin' Hot Body!" - confidence is most definitely one of them. It is confidence, after all, that gives moi the chutzpah to say what I think, which is why you love moi.

And so, while I previously declared 2007 the year of paper (hopefully you all have your own personalized paper and return address labels by now), I am also calling 2007 the year to STOP WITH THE GUILT, PEOPLE.

We are all masters of our own destiny. Each of us have busy, hectic lives - whether you have children or not, whether you work full-time or not, the demands on our schedules are very real and maintaining a balance is extremely difficult.

But, learning how to say "no" and moving on - is fundamentally important for Kitty-Time readers. We all must have a well balanced life in order to maintain our beauty and sleep well at night. We must have enough time alone with our partners, or at the gym, or having drinks with the girls, or playing with our kids, or whatever it is that you need. And so - in order to maintain that, we gotta give something up. We have to decline an invitation, we have to not go to an event, we have to just say "No, sorry, I just can't" and be ok with it.

Kitty-Time has always made a concerted effort to stand by this mantra. Right now, I am pretty unwilling to give up my weekday evenings or time during the weekend day's because all of that is my precious time with my darling daughter - and really - very little is more important to me. C'est vrai - sometimes I feel bad for a New York minute. Sometimes, I attend an event because professionally I need too, or a friend is coming in from out of town and there are exceptions - but I stand firm on keeping my balance.

But even worse than habitual offenders of being over scheduled are those who use GUILT as the crutch.
Stop doing that, it doesn't become a lady.

You, again, are the master of your own destiny. And so, should you feel GUILTY (unless you've physically harmed someone, or you voted for President Bush even just once), THAT IS YOUR CHOICE.

Kitty-Time's wise father would say "Don't buy a ticket on that bus."

And well, where do you think I get my wisdom from? (also my mother, of course. remember - all of you - your mother gave you life! Always cherish her! : )

And so - stop with the "guilt."
Stop with the over-scheduling.

Take charge of your life.
Strike a balance and feel good about it.

Just say no, kids. Nancy R. got a few things right so far.

Be a confident Kitty-Time reader. We all like you more when you're confident!

Wednesday, February 7, 2007

Fat Models & Astronaut in Diapers

Dear readers -

Kitty-Time would like to apologize for the long delay in a new posting. She has been quite busy between work and other random events that have sabotaged my efforts at posting (and yes, my nanny was at it again). But gather round kittens, we have much to discuss.....

First - let's get to some old news but it's still worthy of posting on albeit a few days late.

Fat models.
What has the world come too?

Tyra Banks is FAT!
I bet you didn't know it by looking at her but apparently she is.

Yes, just when I was feeling a little better about things. Just when I was beginning to have hope that some producers and Hollywood exec's and influentials, shall we call them, were willing to hire women with healthy strong bodies - the drama about Tyra Banks and her fat body had to unfold.

I mean really.

She is a Victoria's Secret model. She might have retired. She might have decided to have some breakfast every once in a while now. Maybe she even had a cookie or two over the holidays - I know, I know - she should have been counting out her M&M's....but she really let herself go. She's really tipping the scales at 160 now people.

Jesus.

I don't know what else to say except I am quite sure we all are outraged at this notion, even though it's clear Tyra is on her way to becoming the second coming of Oprah. She's sharpening her elbows and just getting ready to shove old Oprah out of the way...and the way she capitalized on her being fat was quite brilliant.

But I digress.

So, let's instead talk about how two Hollywood mom's used to have beautiful, strong, athletic bodies and now also look like disgusting waifs.
Jennifer Garner.
Angelina Jolie.

What has happened? Why do they look almost as disgusting as Nicole Richie? Seriously?
Gain some weight, ladies. Apparently Tyra can show you how.

And now, onto the bizarre news of the day.

Female diaper wearing astronaut attempts to kill other women over some dumb man.

What?
Huh?

Don't you have to be smart to become an astronaut?
Don't you have to understand science and math and pass rigorous emotional and physical tests to go up in space? Is this another example of the Bush Administration trying to keep women down? They decided to let one slip through who is loco - just to make a public spectacle of her? It's always possible.

Maybe all that time up in Space got to Ms. Lisa Nowak, but how is it that this woman who could have been a role model for millions of little girls, has instead, validated every psycho conservative man's idea of why women don't belong in serious fields and we're all just a bunch of crazed hormonally charged killers waiting to show our true colors? All those men that listen to Rush Limbaugh are just sitting back and laughing....claiming this is what happens when a woman gets her period. Seriously.

This woman methodically planned her trip to Orlando down to the wire - let's not forget the adult diapers. She had been stalking this poor other astronaut for months and was enraged over her as a threat to another man.

In case you are confused, Ms. Nowak is a married mother of three. I mean -huh? She just gave up everything over a man?

I am ashamed, people. ASHAMED.

Let's all just pretend like this event never even happened and certainly never tell your daughters and admit that a female astronaut went awry. And if it ever comes up, blame Bush. But just in case you haven't read about it - be sure to click here: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/02/06/AR2007020600106.html

Speaking of darling daughters, in case any of you thought mine wouldn't have an opinion and develop her skills at expressing it at a very early age, well, then, we've never met.

So - stranger, hello. My name is Kitty-Time, and I get fired up easily, which is why you like me. No one would ever call me a doormat to step on on your way into my house.

And so, I went on to have a daughter...and even better...a red headed one. The combo is a sure sign that she will be spirited.

And as she's facing down her 15 month birthday, I am here to tell you, feisty and spirited, she is. Kitty-Time is bad at math, unlike the psycho female astronaut, so I actually lost count of the number of temper-tantrums my darling daughter had yesterday alone. It might have been enough to make the most level-headed female astronaut go off her rocker.

As I'm getting more used to these ridiculous..and fake, I might add, temper tantrums, I've been mistaken in thinking that perhaps I, too, could win an Oscar like Jennifer Hudson. I actually think my darling daughter could win an Oscar because she's quite believable in her temper tantrums...unless you ignore them for about 30 seconds. By then she's already forgotten what enraged her so. Apparently she also inherited my memory.

Anyhoo...my point, I'm beginning to find pleasure in her temper tantrums. It's actually quite funny.

Check back with me in the future. I'm sure the charm will have worn off by then.

Thursday, February 1, 2007

Machismo Challenged

Ahh... imagine the amusement and enjoyment Kitty-Time felt as she read this article in today's Washington Post about former Italian Prime Minister Berlusconi's wife, Veronica Lario, publicly berating him for disrespectful behavior.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/01/31/AR2007013102438.html

Such public humiliation coming from a woman in one of the most machismo-filled societies in the Western World? C'est Vrai!

What satisfaction millions of women around the world must be feeling when they hear the news. Many of them can live vicariously, I'm sure. After all, if the wife of the former Prime Minister berates her husband on the front page of his nemesis newspaper, well then, surely, we all can find the courage to do it in the confines of our own homes!

What is most significant to me is that it happened in Italy. Isn't this the place where adult men still live with their mothers and expect their laundry to be done, their shirts pressed and warm meals waiting for them when they return from work? We are talking about 30 year old's, people.

And so, in this very machismo-laden culture, publicly berating her husband for humiliating her and disrespecting her is a beautiful thing. If you read the article, you will see that Ms. Lario has had enough after 27 years and felt it was important to challenge her husband's behavior to teach her children that women must be respected.

Have we found a new hero for all women with obnoxious husbands?

I'm thinking yes.

Also, Kitty-Time is intrigued by the way Ms. Lario handled this situation. Clearly she has been embarrassed by her husband innumerable times over the last 27 years. Was this just the straw that broke the camel's back?

Most significant, I think, is that she chose to do it publicly and set an example for him.

It is a breath of fresh air to see a scorned woman give it to her husband, particularly in the public arena. I don't know about you, but I have grown a little tired of watching women stand by their husbands when they don't deserve. Stand up for yourselves, women!

Two that come to mind are: Hillary Clinton and wife of former gay New Jersey Governor Jim McGreevey. I can't say that I fully respected how quietly Hillary stood by her husband after he publicly humiliated her not just once, but twice, with his torrid affairs. And did anyone else find themselves wondering why in the hell McGreevey's wife stood next to him as he announced to the world that he is gay and was having an affair with a male staffer? Why was she there? WHY?
http://www.cnn.com/2004/ALLPOLITICS/08/12/mcgreevey.nj/


So - hat's off to Ms. Lario for handing it to her husband and teaching her children that women must receive and demand respect from their husbands.

Spank me!

Now...how many of you have your minds in the gutter and think today's entry is going to be something provocative about the boudoir?

Heh heh.

If you do, then you are a true Kitty-Time friend.

But, c'est vrai. The purpose of this blog is not to be dirty. So go read something else.

Today we will discuss spanking. Surely by now, you all have heard that some Assemblywoman from the Bay Area wants to introduce a bill in California to make it against the law for parents to spank their children under the age of four. She views it as a form of abuse and believes her role is to protect the children.

Now - I am all for protecting children. A wise friend of mine pointed out that even seeing children hurt on a fictional TV show is more painful to watch once you become a parent. She couldn't have been more right about that.

But Kitty-Time also thinks there is a point to everything.

Before we get ahead of ourselves, let's all remember for a minute that California fancies itself as the bellwether state and its state politicians are always looking for ways to set the trend across the country. But this time - are they for real? Spending all the time and taxpayer's money to protect the children from their own parents? What about a parent's right to discipline their child as they see fit?

Now- I do believe the state protects abused children, and though there is never enough money or people to do the job properly - that is the role of government and what we pay taxes for. But this has gone too far.

Are we to believe that a neighbor is supposed to call the police if they see a parent spanking a three-year old? And the police are going to respond? We are supposed to pull the police away from serious crimes, like domestic violence, armed robbery, or sexual assault - to come punish parents for choosing how best to discipline their child?

Enough is enough and this is ridiculous.

Am I saying I am a fan of spanking? No. Am I saying that I intend to spank my child? I really don't think so but then again, she doesn't have the language ability to talk back. She also hasn't quite figured out how to throw a temper tantrum in public and demand what she wants. So who am I to judge?

If you'd like to read a bit more on it, here's a link:
http://www.latimes.com/news/local/politics/cal/la-me-parsons30jan30,1,3943927.column?coll=la-news-politics-california

Wednesday, January 31, 2007

It's Biblical, people

It happened again.

Different day.

Different topic.

Yet - I found myself in that same place again. That state of shock. That state of horror. And really, that state of embarassment.

THIS is national news? THIS is what I'm supposed to listen too.

You got it.

Once again, this morning, Kitty-Time was upstairs, cherishing a few precious minutes to herself, with her cold coffee, tearing through her closet looking for something to wear to work, listening to the "Today Show" and this is what she heard: "It's biblical, really."

Now, surely you are wondering - what is biblical?

The miracle of birth?
The magnitude of how stem cell research can help fight debilitating diseases?

Mais non!

HAIR.

HAIR IS BIBLICAL.

I really, really, can't even make this up. Seriously. I'm not even exaggerating to you this time. It's true.

Let me repeat: HAIR IS BIBLICAL.

Some idiot woman said that on the "Today" show this morning and Ann Curry was smiling and nodding away.

Did any of you see this?

How can the producers of this show look themselves in the mirror every day? How can Ann Curry consider herself a newswoman? I'm sorry. Is there not a civil war in Iraq? How about the genocide in Sudan? Did anyone read Kristof's column in Sunday's NYT about the militia tossing babies into burning fires in Darfur? http://select.nytimes.com/2007/01/28/opinion/28kristof.html?n=Top%2fOpinion%2fEditorials%20and%20Op%2dEd%2fOp%2dEd%2fColumnists

What about the lack of healthcare for poor women and children in our country?

Is any of that really important when we have HAIR to talk about?

Sure. I, too, like to think about my hair. I feel bad when it's frizzy and psycho in the summer and when it's overgrown and needs a trim. I cringe when I look in the mirror and see roots in the reflection back. I mock those with mullets. I giggle when I see all of your old high school pics with huge bangs. We all like to talk about Hair.

But is this really what we need to be spending a few minutes discussing on the "Today" show?

I really am beginning to take issue with some of our national news programs.

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Neglect? Lazy supervision? It can only mean the worst.

Sometimes we all jump off the ledge without looking back. Sometimes, we all just assume the worst and can't imagine anything else could be the reason. Sometimes we assume that no call, means sudden death and flaming cars. Sometimes we see the smallest thing and assume it means our child is being tortured, neglected and abused.

Sometimes Kitty-Time exaggerates.

But not always.

And so, here is another time when Kitty-Time will shamelessly pull back the curtain and reveal the inner-workings of her brilliant and, never dramatic, mind.

Over the course of the past week or so, Kitty-Time has found books in her darling daughter's crib in the evenings. At first, she wondered - perhaps the nanny was cleaning the room and was just trying to entertain her darling daughter with a book while keeping her safely contained in the crib.

But it kept happening. And her room doesn't get cleaned every day.

And by the third day, it could only mean neglect. It could only mean that darling daughter was being forced to stay in the crib against her will, crying out for attention, in desperate need for one of her parents to return home and lavish her with love and affection.

Right?

Surely that is the only thing it could mean.

Kitty-Time began wondering - should we start spying on nanny? Has she grown lazy and uninterested in her job? Does she leave darling daughter up there for long periods of time? What is happening? What could be the cause of it.

Of course, add into the mix the amount of time that passes from the evening when Kitty-Time wonders this - to the chaos of the next morning as I'm darting out the door (late) for work, and rest assured that I pretty much always forget to ask.

But not this morning. Last night Kitty-Time found STAMPS in her darling daughter's crib. One had even been removed.

This could only mean the nanny was not only neglecting the child but leaving her there to choke on her own accord. Death was imminent.

Kitty-Time wondered, should she phone the nanny immediately, even though she's left for the day, and question her?
Kitty-Time's husband, always relaxed and laid back, assured me that everything was fine and I could just ask in the morning.

And so, I asked. This time, I remembered!

And much to my great relief and amusement, I learned something precious about my darling daughter.

We've known for quite some time that she loves books. And she loves pictures and colors. She spends more time with her books some days than with her toys. It's true, she's a woman on a mission. She cannot rest until every flap has been carefully removed from every book. But still, she is obsessed. What I adore is that she knows which direction to hold the book. How does she know the letters are upside down? She can't read. And yet, she knows.

And so, it turns out that darling daughter has somehow been moving the bumper pad out of the way, stretching her little gumby arms as far as they can go, and removing books from a basket next to the crib, and amusing herself by "reading" until she decides to let someone know she is, in fact, not sleeping, and would like to be removed from her crib.

Ahh....the dramatic mind of a mother...and the resourceful skills of a 14 month old.

Kitty-Time will admit, this was a fabulous way to start the day; To gain an insight into how darling daughter spends her alone time up in her room, when no one is watching. Of course, apparently she isn't sleeping as long as I thought, but still, at least she isn't being neglected.

Monday, January 29, 2007

Finally....some real & healthy women

Kitty-Time has been remiss in not posting about this sooner. In fact, ABC deserves a real shout-out for hiring some fabulous actresses with tremendous talent and REAL BODIES.

But first, let's set the stage. IS there anyone out there who thinks Ellen Pompeo or Terri Hatcher look good? IF you do - then go find something else to read. And grab a Snickers along the way. Kitty-Time is here to tell you that these two women are just two examples of far too many actresses that look DISGUSTING.

In particular, as the mother of a daughter, I think that it is fundamentally important that we all set positive examples for our children with food and health, and this includes healthy eating. No need to gorge on an entire super size bag of M&M's but honestly, no need to count out three M&M's for an accurate serving size and for your exclusive treat for the week. You get my point. I think Terri Hatcher and Ellen Pompeo would look so much better if they each gained about 15 pounds. I actually cringe when I see them.

But back to positive Kitty-Time. Let's give a shout out to some actresses that have very real and very beautiful bodies.

Katherine Heigl of "Grey's Anatomy" is one. She is definitely very sexy but not too thin. She has curves. How about Sara Ramirez, also of "Grey's." At first glance, you might find yourself thinking she is "big."
But if you think that, then you obviously didn't see her shimmying in her underwear last year. She was hot. Not many can get away with that. Her body is real, it is strong, it is healthy and she looks fantastic.

How about America Ferrera from "Ugly Betty." I don't watch this show but I just glanced through the pictures from last night's SAG awards and she looks GORGEOUS. Again - beautiful curves.

And finally, the very woman Kitty-Time would love to be, Chandra Wilson, from "Grey's Anatomy." She is my favorite female character on TV. Strong, intelligent, funny, but still an emotional mom. She is definitely not stick thin. But she is real. And I love her for it.

For a quick glance at some of the gowns from last night's SAG Awards..and to see some of the very actresses I speak of...click here: http://www.usatoday.com/life/front.htm

And finally, of all the actresses I just mentioned, only one is white. One is African American and two are Latina. I could have mentioned Jennifer Hudson but she sort of pisses me off. She's just a regular person off the street. How do we know that I couldn't win an Oscar if given the chance?

Again, I digress.

Back to ethnicity's. Of the actresses I mentioned, Katherine Heigl is also the thinnest. This disturbs me. These are very real cultural differences. We expect Latina women and African American women to have curves. But we expect the white actresses to have the body of a 12 year old boy. Time for all of us to see more actresses with real bodies and praise them for it.

So catch yourself before you call one of these women "big," ladies. Especially if you have a little daughter in your house.

Yeah...I'm Judging

OK - so I might have been all about positive mom talk last week...claiming that there is too much mom vs. mom attacks in the media.

But today is Monday. The beginning of a new week..and almost the beginning of a new month (is it me, or has January DRAGGED ON AND ON? maybe it's because I spent my shopping/frivolous budget for the month by around Jan 12th but this is torture).

Anyhoo...Kitty-Time digresses. Back to judging.

So - my claws are out with Brit-Brit. She's just so trashy, she seems to have hit rock bottom since she declared she was divorcing KFed. I mean - is she ever home with her children? Is she ever sober? Does she not realize how WT she looks? And where is a pic of her kid? Is it Jayden James? Sutton Pierce? Why haven't we seen him? And why isn't anyone crying foul like they did when little Suri Cruise was kept hidden for so long?

And so, while I'm busily judging Brit for being a lousy absent mom (yeah - she might be the one giving Baby Happy Hour a bad name)......imagine my shock when I am AMUSED and somewhat taken with..GASP...KFed.
Quel Horreur!

You got it. KFed is doing a good job of warming us up to him...and how is he doing that, dear readers? By making fun of himself.

You got it.

The annual Super Bowl is this coming Sunday (what a total waste of everyone's time) BUT KFed is featured in a Nationwide Insurance commercial making fun of his current financial state...check out the hilarious overview on my fav Pink is the New Blog:
http://www.trent.blogspot.com/

Friday, January 26, 2007

Baby Happy Hour - A National Crisis

Kitty-time, like most mom's, gets very few minutes to herself in the morning before darting off to work. And while I am always 15-25 minutes late to work, you can rest assured that I have pretty much been up since 5:45am and have been running around like a fool the entire time. Subsequently, those precious few minutes to myself, in my bedroom, while I figure out what to wear to work and apply some makeup, are minutes I cherish. Now - these minutes aren't stress free. Kitty-time is generally running through a laundry list of items in her mind about the upcoming day, what needs to be done that evening, what needs to be defrosted for dinner, does the darling daughter's laundry need to be done, did I leave out warm enough clothes for her for the day, did I remember to put out her lunch, did I need to talk to the nanny about anything, what else am I forgetting, and so on and so forth.

If there is time, Kitty-Time quite enjoys tuning into a morning news program to hear what might be considered news for those precious few minutes while she sips her cold coffee and wonders what the hell to wear to work that day.

And so - imagine my dismay and anger when, during those precious few minutes this morning, my time was utterly wasted with crap. And Meredith Viera was leading the charge.

Apparently we have a pending national pandemic of alcoholic mom's, people. In fact, the ever-so-credible polling results from ivillage.com, indicates that over 50% of respondents think something gravely wrong is happening. So, we should all jump on the bandwagon to continue judging other mom's. You got it.

When gathering together for late afternoon/early evening play dates, it seems that women are - GASP - having SOMETHING TO DRINK. A true beverage complete with alcohol.

MON DIEU!

How dare these women get together and do anything but oodle over every move their precious child makes.

How dare they get together, let the children play, and have a few sips of some wine as a way to wind down from the otherwise hectic day.

These hideous women are surely just raising a bunch of pinko commie alcoholic floozies for children. What else can this possibly mean?

I mean seriously.

THIS is national news? THIS is what the Today Show is talking about during the coveted time of 8:15am.

If I could have crawled through the screen and punched Meredith in the face, I would have (indeed, apparently I am teaching my child that alcohol AND violence can solve your problems).

Apparently these women, and kitty-time is included because she looks forward to Baby Happy Hour every Friday, are teaching their children that they need alcohol to have a good time.

Not to mention, these women are diminishing their ability to properly tend to their children should the need arise.

What about the lesson in responsible consumption? What about having a glass of wine while chatting with friends and watching children play, is wrong? This is just completely ridiculous.

In case you think I've had one too many, feel free to read the online recap here:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/16818362/

I really have nothing more to say about this other than I hope all of you have Baby Happy Hour plans tonight.

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Wiki-Parenting

By now, we all are quite familiar with the online dictionary, Wikipedia. It's quite ingenious in its format and what's more delightful than being able to edit the definition of a word? We all love to weigh in and redefine how we see things, what we think the real definition is. It's genius, really. And just admit it - every single one of you LOVES to chime in on what something means. After all, you wouldn't be a kitty-time fan if you didn't have opinions of your own to spread around like wildfire!

So imagine my delight when I read a column posted in the online-mag Slate today. It's called "Wiki-Parenting."

And it is a brilliant and creative dissertation on what Kitty-Time likes to call "Group Parenting."

Ahh yes....group parenting. If you have a child, you are all-too familiar with this concept. If you don't have a child, then you probably naively fall into that category of believing that this won't happen to you and having a family member be your full-time nanny is a dream come true.

Gather round, kittens, if you believe that to be true, I'll tell you another.

For those of you who know what I'm talking about, read on for some humor.

Group Parenting, or Wiki-Parenting, is something we all have done and have experienced. Also admit that one. You're just as guilty as moi. C'est vrai!

Group Parenting is the most overwhelming when you are a new parent and you are totally clueless. You really have no idea what you are doing and you are just faking it and not sure if you're going to make it. In fact, secretly, in the wee hours of the morning, in a dark cavernous corner of your house, you are looking up the return policy for this little child that's just entered your life. Did it REALLY come out of you, you wonder?

And so, to add to your hormonal roller coaster and sleep deprived mind, comes the confusing entry of Group Wiki-Parenting. You say one thing, someone else says another. And then, someone else adds in something else. And before you know it, you don't know up from down, let alone right from wrong.

Does Junior need a new diaper? Is it wet? It's wet but maybe he doesn't need it changed? It's not wet but maybe he does need it changed? He's crying because he's hungry? What's that you say, he's crying because he's not hungry? OK, but maybe he's overtired? what's that? He's not overtired he's hungry?
Or wait, what? He's crying because he's not wet but he's still wants his diaper changed?
No no...shouts another..he's crying because he woke up too early from his nap and needs to go back down!
No no....he's crying because he woke up early from his nap because his diaper is wet AND he's hungry.

Ahhh...yes....group parenting at its finest. It's super. You'll love it. And don't forget, most offenders state the "obvious" solution with the utmost authority. There is no doubt lingering in their tone, therefore, well, they must be right, right?

The most egregious offenders are those without children. What the hell do they know?

Guess what?

NOTHING.

But sometimes, they can be right. Because sometimes, you are so flippin tired, that a dog on the street knows more than you.

And yet, it seems that group parenting, it never ends.

And just when you vow to never do it to someone else, you hear those words coming out of your mouth. It's like an out of body experience.
Did you really just add into the ring of group parenting? You really just joined the mob? You just became THAT person? How hideous. Mon Dieu!

So, for a good read for those of you who know exactly what I am speaking of, check out this column: http://www.slate.com/id/2158216?nav=wp

And for those expecting parents out there, trust moi. Group Wiki-Parenting....is an equal opportunity offender. Not one of you will come away unscathed.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

State of the Union

Today's post is not about what you think. Surely you are anticipating a witty blog about last night's SOTU speech, filled with quips. Mais non.

Something much more important to me is happening. And it's about my state of the union. All is not well on Wisteria Lane, folks. When something is awry with Kitty-Time's daughter, nothing else can capture my attention. Not even the idiot that wore the blue tie last night.

Kitty-time's darling daughter loves her bath time. She plays and laughs and talks to her toys and kicks and splashes throughout bathtime. It has always been a real highlight of our day, to end the day on such a fun note. Playing and watching her delight in bath time before bed. Sure, we've had some rough patches with bath time. When she was a bit younger, she did lose all bath time toy privileges because she would get so riled up and then wouldn't go to sleep.

But she is much more mature now. She has experienced 14 months of life and can handle exciting play time before bed time now. It's how she unwinds from the difficult life of a 14 month old. Not to mention, she appreciates the value of a clean body and some lavendar lotion before bed time.

And then, it all changed.

Now, one of the harshest lessons Kitty-Time has learned about motherhood is that babies change on a dime. JUST when you think you've figured something out, they go and change. It's that whole curveball thing I was talking about a few entries ago. But this one, has really thrown me.

As of two nights ago, she literally screams bloody murder when we put her in the bath. But mere seconds before, she is admiring herself in the mirror and laughing and talking.

What gives? Adopted mommies out there...come forward and enlighten moi, please.

Now - before you go thinking I've lost my mind - realize that the bath water temperature is fine, the air temperature is fine, nothing traumatic has happened to her in the tub, she goes to bed without a problem, so it's not some kind of temper tantrum because she doesn't want to sleep. It's just about the bath.

She is anti-bath.

Maybe it's the French in her, coming out?

Or the environmentalist?

She doesn't want to waste all that water every night?

She likes the smell of a few days of hard play?

I am stumped.

She has plenty of toys, so it's not that she's wanting for entertainment while bathing.

My suspicion is that while my middle name used to be "scheduling police" it is now "master of distraction." Indeed. My suspicion is that the little one is now a toddler, has a better understanding of the world around her, and just abruptly decided that she does not want to bathe.

And so, I think I need to make it a game. Kitty-time's wise mother suggested I finish undressing her beside the tub and let her play with some toys next to the tub, to get her distracted and excited about bath time. I will try this tonight.

Any other suggestions, I'm open ears.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

The People are giving him a Thumpin'

Ahhh....how things have changed in our nation's capitol. How sweet and magnifique for some. How dark and depressing for others. But wait - not so fast...not so dark and depressing for all.

C'est vrai. Tonight is the State of the Union. Kitty-time will likely cozy up on the couch and check up on the DVR'd shows. I hear this afternoon's Oprah will feature the Stay-At-Home Mom's vs. the Working Mom's.....how positive and helpful of you, Oprah. I'll be sure to tune in later.

But back to the highs and lows.....the sweet and the bitter......

New Washington Post/ABC poll numbers show the president's approval rating is at an all time low. How wonderful. How wonderful that my fellow Americans are FINALLY PAYING ATTENTION.

Mon Dieu. It's only taken SIX LONG AND MISERABLE YEARS.

The best part is that 71% of the country believes the President is seriously on the wrong track. Not just "off track" but "seriously" off track. That is fantastic.

Even the most brilliant of conservative republican "historians" can't rewrite the ending to this president's history. Mais non. It's low and miserable and just plain terrible. He is probably the worst President, tied with Nixon, if not even worse, and there's no rewriting this one, suckers.

And yet. Somehow. He's still not paying attention. Somehow, it's still not miserable and bitter for him.

The President will address an unfriendly Congress tonight.

So hopefully, when he stops awkwardly and pauses during his speech, waiting for the hootin' and hollerin' he's used to hearing whenever he speaks, this time, he will be faced with a bone chilling silence. Just when we think the man can't possibly prove that he listens to no one and does what he wants on his own terms - he goes and calls for an increase in the level of troops in Iraq.

Buddy. Dear, evil, hideous President. Come hither. Kitty-time is not afraid to speak freely to you. 65% of the public OPPOSE your plan to increase troops in Iraq.

It's true, we know math isn't your strong suit. You are in good company. Math is not kitty-time's strength either. It can be fuzzy and confusing to many of us, c'est vrai. And yet, 65% is GREATER than 50%, which is half. In other words, more than half the country OPPOSES your plan. In fact, almost two-thirds of the country ARE AGAINST YOUR PLAN.

And making things worse, the people you will be addressing tonight. The men and women in the House and Senate. Yes, them. The MAJORITY of them (that means 50% or greater) - the majority of them represent the brilliant democratic voters who put them in power.

In other words, you're about as lucky as a pimply dorky teen on prom night, my friend.

Ain't gonna happen. No one believes you or likes your plan.

Kitty-time, she is not your friend, Monsieur Bush, but she speaks the truth.

And so, dear readers, if you really want to watch this man, with his deer in the headlights expression, address the nation and discuss a plan that no one likes...and just further lowers his approval ratings, tune in tonight.

In other assorted news, a new political web site launched today, http://www.politico.com/ Many of its writers are former Washington Post political writers, so log on. It's not bad. Kitty-time is most interested in the Anne Schroder "shenanigans" gossip blog featured on the homepage.

And finally, could 2007 be the year of woman vs. woman in politics?
In one corner, we've got Hillary Clinton and Nancy Pelosi.
In the other corner, we've got Condi-Sleezy and some of the Cheney women.

In today's Washington Post, Liz Cheney submitted an oped piece and targets Hillary.
In case you are confused, Liz Cheney is the daughter the Cheney's like to brag about. You know, the one that's not gay and having a child out of wedlock. This one is just as hawkish as her dad and she's married to a man. So it's cool. We can put her out there and get her published in the Post, without embarrassing the family or rattling the conservative base. If you'd care to waste some time, check out her piece:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/01/22/AR2007012201103.html

Check back tomorrow kittens. Kitty-time will surely have something to say about the SOTU (think Bush will wear a blue tie tonight?) and this afternoon's catty and ridiculous Oprah.

Monday, January 22, 2007

Bevy of Blue Babes

Well, dear readers, it was a busy weekend for presidential candidates. And the Democratic field continues to expand.....by kitty-time's last count, we officially have a bevy of 8 blue babes from which to pick from.

By now, unless you're really living under a rock, we all know that Hillary officially announced that she is forming an exploratory committee. She is coming out of the gates trying to distinguish herself. Rather than the humdrum way of going on a popular TV show, such as the Today Show or Governator style going on Jay Leno, or announcing it during a speech on a politicially sensitive day, Hillary announced on her web site.

We could analyze the rational and strategic thinking behind that all day. But Kitty-Time will, instead, focus on one perspective. Personally, Kitty-Time has been struggling with whether it is fair to Hillary to constantly point out that she is a woman, are we ready, will anyone take her seriously? In other words, her main point of differentiation being that she is a woman, instead of focusing on her qualifications and education and experience. But, Hillary took that matter in her own hands on Saturday.

What did she do?

She announced it by video on her web site. But what does this have to do with her being a woman?

Sure, I noticed that her hair was professionally done and her makeup perfectly applied. No Katie Couric mascara gaffes.

But she was sitting on a FLORAL COUCH in her own living room and opened with a smile and said let's have a conversation.

This setting, by definition, means that Hillary WANTS us to talk about her gender. She wants this to be a point of differentiation. You got it. No man, in his right mind, would announce that he is seeking office for the Presidency by sitting on his rose colored floral couch with a huge smile, as if he's just invited us over for some coffee and afternoon gossip.

And so Hillary, Kitty-Time will now continue to comment on your candidacy and your ideas and your clothes and your hair..and your shoes....and your accessories...because those are all very feminine things.....and that's what she wants us to do.

What about the other bevy of blue babes?

Latino Governor Richardson announced on Sunday. (NOTE: in no way is Kitty-Time implying that Richardson is a babe. Or even remotely attractive). He doesn't have a dog in this fight compared to Obama or Hil or Edwards, so Kitty-Time won't really waste her time on him just yet.

How each of these candidates will differentiate themselves, how they will market themselves, which one will utilize grassroots and viral marketing most effectively - who goes to YouTube first....Kitty-Time just doesn't know. We'll have to wait and see. But you better believe, I will be watching and commenting all the while.

Until then, how about the survey that came out last week announcing that 51% of women are single. Yesterday's NYT "Week in Review" analyzed the survey results here: http://www.nytimes.com/2007/01/21/weekinreview/21zernike.html?em&ex=1169614800&en=b104feb86f0b5781&ei=5087%0A

What struck moi more than anything was the flippant way the writer noted that most women with children realize that their earning power will plateau once having children....and then she moved on to another topic.

Huh? Really. So, all of the working mom's out there - we've reached the top of our earning power? How dare Ms. Zernike, herself a woman, maybe even a working mom, flippantly declare our earning power over..and then move on to another topic. By my last count, I've only been working 11 years. I've easily got another 25 years of working left in me. And yet, my ability to make more has already abruptly ended?

Then why the hell am I working?

Anyone care to comment? How about.....maybe it's plateaued right now while my baby is still very young...and maybe it will not advance until I am done having kids and they are a bit older and need me less....but who knows? How dare this reporter just flippantly comment and move on, as if that isn't a very significant and depressing thing to say.

And for the final word of today.....you can all breathe a deep sigh of relief. Kitty-Time's dear nanny has returned to work! Indeed. C'est vrai. Apparently she did not have the right papers to get back into the country. It's still not clear to me what papers she needed but who cares, she didn't have them, thus the delay. All is well again.

Friday, January 19, 2007

Adopt-a-mom

It's true, Kitty-Time is still recovering from the great Nanny Drama of '07. Baby Happy Hour is already lined up for this evening. 5:15pm sharp. Chez moi. All are welcome if you are in the area. And for any preggos out there, you ought to have a drink too. Don't be ridiculous. Some wine is good for you, so long as you are out of your first tri.
C'est vrai. Kitty-time is not a doctor. But don't doubt me.

Drinking is not meant to be the subject of today's entry, however. The subject is the Adopt-a-mom program. While it's framework is not like the Adopt-A-Pet program from your local Petsmart, it's not all-together that different, except the mom you adopt is the boss of you, not the other way around.

Every mom, especially new mom's, need to adopt-a-mom who has children older than yours. If you are wondering why, you either don't have children yet, or you are too stubborn to know everything you don't know.

Kitty-time calls it like she sees it. No one knows all the tricks. ESPECIALLY new moms.

New mom's, by kitty-time's definition, are those with babies under the age of 8 months.

By 8 months, you've been through some bouts of teething, you've endured nap time drama, you've endured some kind of sickness (hopefully just a cold), you've returned to work and know how that changes the balance of your home, and you're ready to face down the daunting task of baby mobility.

Until that point, you are still a new mom.

After that point, you still need your adopted mom. Don't get too cocky, now. Kitty-time will admitt she darted from Babies'R'Us like a scared preggo last weekend....completely overwhelmed by the choices of baby gates and is only able to face down this struggle with the help of some adopted moms.

Why do we all need to adopt-a-mom? It's quite simple. You are taking on a new job with motherhood. One that you have zero qualifications for. One that you might even be wondering if you're fit for (fyi - the answer is you're not, at first). Babies do a lot of things...but they throw curveballs better than a professional baseball player. And mom's with kids older than yours - they've been there.

Sure, every baby is different. Yadda yadda yadda. But setting that aside, the mom you adopt isn't as sleep deprived or as attached to your baby as you are, therefore, she might think of something that just didn't occur to you. Also, she is not as emotional about the situation as you are and might help bring some much needed perspective and humor to the crisis.

What sort of qualifications sh0uld you look for when adopting a mom?

-Similar parenting styles. Some are more anal than others. Some are more structured than others. You must adopt a mom who has a similar approach as yours.
- A proven track record. When did they get their baby to sleep through the night? How did they handle naps? Now. Don't go challenging a mom who has achieved more than you by virtue of having an older child. But if her kid still isn't sleeping through the night by 12 months...well...Kitty time recommends you adopt another mom.
- A good sense of humor. You need to adopt a mom who will make you laugh when you need it, particularly if you don't know it.

Kitty-time feels that there is too much negative banter out there about mommy wars, stay-at-home moms ridiculing working moms, etc etc. All of that is nonsense. We only judge those with a bad fashion sense and Republicans here at Kitty-time. We don't judge working moms or stay-at-home moms. So, in an effort to counter some of that negative mom-against-mom speak - I will be the first to tell you that I couldn't have survived the beginning without the mom's that I adopted. OF course, my own mother is one of the first ones I adopted. But there were others...I learned invaluable tricks and they provided me the reassurance that everything would workout in the end. I needed that.

And so..go forth dear readers....and adopt-a-mom. I guarantee, she'll be glad to help.

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Geriatric Kitty-time

Hello dear readers -

Kitty-time can breathe freely and easily again today. The extra aging lines on my face and puffiness under my eyes, will hopefully go away, but I cannot be sure. C'est vrai. Kitty-time has been put through the ringer for the past two days. And it brings to light a very important subject.

Nannies.

Unless you have a nanny that you adore and appreciate, you really cannot comprehend the gravity of this situation. You can read this and think "oh, well, it worked out" or "I would have just fired her and found another."

But trust moi, dear readers. You have absolutely no idea what this living hell is like until you find yourself in it OR you have a nanny. Kitty-time has a fabulous nanny. She is responsible, reliable, dedicated and loves my darling daughter. Sure - having a nanny in your house can be a pain - and there are downsides to having a nanny. Things happen in their life, they bring the baggage to work, their kids get sick, they miss work, etc etc. All of these things throw a wrench in your day and make perfect attendance at work - impossible.

But more than anything, our nanny is the cat's meow and I would never want to lose her.

She has been gone for almost 6 weeks and told me that she was returning to work on Wednesday. I began practically counting down the minutes a week ago. But then.....

Tuesday afternoon came and went, no word from her.
Tuesday night - no word.
Wednesday - no sight of her.
By this time, kitty-time had a 50 pound knot in her chest.

Where is the nanny?
IS she being held against her will?
Did druglords whisk her off to the jungle and are holding her against her will?
Did the dates get mixed up?
Did bad weather delay flights?
Did she change her mind and suddenly is never returning to the country?
What will we do? Who will tend to our daughter? Who is going to miss work again to stay home because we have no one to watch the baby?
How can this really be happening?

Kitty-time's mind was reeling, heart racing, head pounding, everything was falling apart.

If you think I'm being dramatic...then again, you don't have a nanny. Check back and read this post after you've invested a year into a nanny and you love that person....

And then....it happened. Kitty-time's laid back, easy going, never gets stressed husband admitted that he, too, was beginning to panic.

Mais non!!!

The 50 pound knot suddenly became 250 pounds. My chest was caving in. My pounding head became a full-blown migraine. Sleep was impossible.

If laid back husband is worried, then kitty-time doesn't have a dog in this fight.

We began plotting our next move. When we would start interviewing nannies, how we would juggle next week's work.

Meanwhile, back behind the scenes in kitty-time's mind entered these questions:

Do the US authorities invest time and energy into locating a missing woman who has a green card but is not yet a citizen?
How would I find the authorities in Ecuador?
Where are her children?
Why would she not be coming back? It can only mean the worst.

Perhaps I've seen that Meg Ryan, Russell Crowe movie set in Latin America...where Crowe locates kidnapped Americans...that one. Maybe I've seen that movie one too many times, I will admitt.

But back to the crisis - kitty-time also really doesn't have the energy or strength to endure the nanny finding process again. This is not in my plan. This is not what is supposed to be happening. We are supposed to keep our beloved nanny until are darling daugther can start in preschool. Life is easier, smoother and consistent that way.

This morning, the crisis became resolved. It was downgraded from code red to over with. Kitty-time, in her efforts to stalk members of the nanny's family and in-laws, managed to locate someone in the area who knows the nanny and could confirm her arrival back in the US on Saturday.

IT's true, Saturday the 20th is definitely NOT Wednesday the 17th.

But really - that doesn't matter. Nanny is returning to the country. Nanny is safe and unharmed. She is not being held against her wild. Druglords did not steal her. And let's be honest, my house will be clean again and my darling daughter - well cared for.

All is well.
Kitty-time can breathe.

What is the lesson in all of this.

The lesson is the threat of losing a beloved nanny will throw your entire life off balance. It will spiral the most level-headed person into a state of insanity. Even the most relaxed person out there will need Xanax. Kitty-time's mother suggested a hot tottie.

How about some hard liquor pumped into my veins through an IV?

The other lesson is that the life of a working mom is very fragile. It is a tight rope with the balancing act being held together with a porcelin shell. Any curveballs in the day can mean the working mom is teetering on the edge of her tight rope, barely hanging on. But a crisis of epic proportions involves the daily quality care of the child. And when that is threatened.....all is not well and every decision you make is questioned...starting with "should I really be working?"

Bottom line:
Love your nannies, dear readers, because losing them will age your beautiful face and tighten your pretty chest in ways you cannot imagine. Kitty-time doesn't even wish this ordeal upon her enemies, even the most loyal of Bush supporters.

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

More on politics.....and some great gossip

Well - kitty-time is so happy with the responses from yesterday's posting. Clearly politics and celebs strike a chord with my dear readers. SO, I will begin with Hillary.

Did anyone see Hil on the Today Show this morning?
She was very stern, very serious and presented some clear thinking and strong ideas on the situation in Iraq.

And yet, I found myself thinking that her hair looked really good and it makes such a difference when she gets it professionally styled than when it's flat. Somehow she looks heavier when it's flat.
And I also found myself thinking how bitchy she sounded. Just as I was thinking that, my husband busts out with
"She sounds like such a bitch"
To which I retorted "She is talking about war, she should sound stern. If a man were speaking about war, you wouldn't make one comment, yet you automatically think because a woman is speaking sternly, she sounds like a bitch. As the father of a daughter, you have a greater responsibility to not say things like that."

Good thing he didn't know I secretly agreed....

Kitty-time was later relaying this conversation to some friends and one friend replied....that this will be Hil's weakness, among others.

So again - we return to the point Kitty was wisely trying to make yesterday.

Even the bluest voters out there - are they really ready for a woman president? Won't we all just be busy critiquing her tone and her suit color and her hair style? And gasp...if her makeup gets all gobby like Katie Couric's mascara.

I just want a D in the white house. Gender, color - it doesn't matter to me in 2008.

And as for the White House....kitty-time learned some fascinating political gossip. Far be it from me to steer clear of a good conspiracy theory.

Apparently the rumor running around town is that Negroponte really left DNI to become #2 at State b/c Condi is stepping down as Secretary.
Condi is stepping down as Secretary bc Cheney has "health issues" and will be cast aside. Condi will then be appointed VP.
Apparently Cheney's "health issues" are of a political nature. The current President realizes that his legacy will improve if he casts Cheney aside and becomes the first to appoint a female, African-American Vice President.

The only way Kitty-Time can see the President's legacy improving is if he finds a way to wipe out all of our memories over the past 7 years and then recreates history. Don't think Condi-Sleezy can save him this time.

Chew on that.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Obama, Hil, and the Globes

So much to talk about..where does kitty-time begin? With important political issues that will impact our future and the future of our children? With the historical announcement of Obama - exploring a run for the Presidency? Are we ready for an African-American president, any more than we are ready for a female president?
Or with the Globes?

Well..really...if you know moi at all, you must know that kitty-time will start avec les celebs! I just can't help myself. I used to like Angelina Jolie. I think I despise her now. Could she have looked any more bored and seemed any more self-righteous than last night when Ryan "Time to come out of the closet" Seacrest was interviewing Brad? Get over yourself Angie. Great - you adopted some kids. Great - you give some of your hundreds of millions to charity. Guess what - without the movies and the fans and the award shows - you wouldn't be able to do all of that. You aren't that important. Now smile and move on.

And then Evangeline Lilly. For the love of God. She is complaining about being famous? Then quit your job and go do something productive. What the hell did you think was going to happen?

Drew Barrymore was a breath of fresh air. She looked fantastic and seemed happy to be there and happy to discuss her usual jewelry purchases at Urban Outfitters. Giving the viewers a sense that these celebs love their job and appreciate their situation - that is what we, the viewers, are looking for. Not for their self-righteous boredom and the burden that rests on their shoulders of attending these award shows. I'm sure it's very difficult to endure time at the spa, body detoxing, hours of free hair and makeup, hours to peruse the free gifts, and all the free jewelry and clothing tossed their way.

Now...with that off my chest, kitty-time will now mention Democratic presidential aspirations for 2008.

We've got Obama in one corner.

Hillary in another.

But is any of it realistic? Is our country really ready for an African-American president? And really - are we ready for a woman president? Particularly the one that declared there is a right-wing conspiracy out to get her husband. You know, the cheating one.

I am the first to admit that I lick the screen whenever dear Bill comes on TV, so I would love to see him as the First Husband but more than anything, I want a total D takeover in 08. Kitty-time will support the candidate with the most realistic shot at winning those districts that are straddling both blue and red.......kitty-time is a big picture person....but she salutes those bellwether's that move forward to make what seems so unrealistic, possible someday.

Monday, January 15, 2007

Why Work is Good

A dear friend and kitty-time reader is feeling the anxiety of returning to work after maternity leave. She is very aware of how sad she will feel to leave her sweet and beautiful baby and all the anxiety that comes with leaving your beloved in the care of another. Fellow kitty-time readers share many things in common - beauty, wit, brilliance - and also, type A personality traits. Some would call it controlling tendencies, sprinkled with opinions. But really, kitty-time readers know what they want, how they want it done, and what needs to be done next. This is a good thing.

Except when it comes to leaving your child in the care of another. Particularly because that person is, well, really just a stranger until you get to know one another. (note - kitty-time advises AGAINST using family members as full-time caretakers of your baby. Speak with me separately if you'd like to disagree. You clearly haven't had a baby yet if you think it's a good idea).

And so, instead of highlighting all the negative things and stressors that come with returning to work, kitty-time will now discuss why work is good.

1. It is good for all mommies to learn to be away from their babies and trust someone else to take care of them. It is also good for the baby to learn to be around other people and well, not mind. It does not mean your baby isn't attached to you or loves the nanny more - even when you think it might. It really doesn't.

2. Kitty-time readers are smart. We all have worked hard, many have received master's or law degrees. It is good for kitty-time readers to exercise their brains in ways that do not involve Dr. Seuss books, animal noises to make a baby giggle, or "play with me sesame" on Noggin channel. When you can sing-along with Moose A. Moose's song of the month, it's time to return to work.

3. Dressing up for work. Lounging around in sweat pants is really quite comfortable, but purchasing a new spring suit and a fabulous pair of shoes, can also really warm a gal's heart.

4. The feeling that comes with a good day's work, positive professional feedback, and using your brain - is not something you will ever get being home all day. And it is motivating, reminds a gal why she does go to work, and why being away from baby isn't all bad, all the time.

And so - for any new mommies out there facing the daunting task of returning to work...fret not, dear readers, it gets easier, and it's good for you. Trust me. Kitty-time, unlike our President, never lies.

Friday, January 12, 2007

You're Fired....not just the Donald's tagline

My friend, who blogs at www.selfmademom.net, posted a few article links today and one, in particular, warrants all of our attention:

"Pregnancy and Fired? A rising trend"
http://www.charlotte.com/mld/charlotte/business/local/16402391.htm

Kitty-time encourages her dear readers to take a moment out of your day, I know, I know - you are all very busy and important - but seriously, take a moment. Read the article. Read about pregnancy discrimination and the very easy-to-understand overview of the law and your rights, if preggo.

And stay tuned, Kitty-Time will keep an eye out for the research findings that the National Partnership for Women and Families plans to release soon.

Knowledge is power, dear readers, read it and weep.

Like Unicorns, it really doesn't exist

We all hear about it. Some whisper about it. Some shout from the rooftops, claiming they've got it. Some wonder why they can't find it. Others break down and seek solace in the drink, while looking for it. Then there are the worst offenders - the ones that not just shout from the rooftops, but weave it into every conversation, as if it is the most realistic, truest thing in the world and you are just the worst, most unorganized person for not having it. They, dear friends, are liars.

What is it?
Unicorns?
Santa?
The newest Marc Jacobs bag?
The tooth fairy?

Mais non, sweet kittens....it is BALANCE. LIFE BALANCE after having a kid.

Guess what. You'll hear it here first. Deal with it, suckers.

IT DOESN'T EXIST.

If you are a new mamma, an expectant mamma, an old timer mamma, a "do I even want to bother dealing but thinking about it" woman - just deal with it. Internalize it now. Balance as you once knew it - not gonna happen.

"But what about my gym time and my great body?"
"But what about my weekly manicures?"
"But what about my career and all my work travel, I've worked so hard for it?"

Guess what?

It's not about you anymore.

Another thing you need to just deal with.

But don't fret, sweet cherubs, all is not lost.

It just requires give and take, compromise and a willingness to accept that your life is now different. And sadly, so is your body. (Especially your boobies.)

But back to give and take and compromise. Do not be a martyr. Then no one will feel sorry for you. All the give and take and compromise - does not rest solely on your shoulders. It is the job requirement of BOTH PARENTS, last time I checked, to be actively involved in their child's life, to compromise their lifestyles, and to give up some extracurricular activities, be they manicures, gym time, or happy hour.

Kitty time does not believe all is lost. You just do these things less frequently or at times that used to seem very undesirable. Example - early morning is a great time for a workout. It wakes you up, it reduces under eye puffiness, and gives you some quiet time to just enjoy to yourself while everyone else rests.

But back to this whole give and take thing - kitty time firmly believes that while women should not be martyrs and take on all these responsibilities of juggling and compromise themselves, you must also be realistic. Your partner might not clue in as quickly as you, and like anything, it takes a lot of work and commitment to train the male husband to learn how to take initiative, do the laundry without asking, decline a happy hour invitation without being told too, or purchase milk on his way home from work without being asked to.

But with perseverance, a lot of patience and a willingness to do things differently than you did before - you can hold onto pieces of yourself from before - and still enjoy life, even if a little off balance.

Thursday, January 11, 2007

Coming out of hibernation....in January

For the last 6 years, kitty time has gone through a rollercoaster of emotions. Rage, horror, anger, numbness, anxiety, back to rage and horror and anger....

This has made kitty time very upset. These negative feelings take a toll on pretty skin and make it difficult for a good, solid night's sleep. Pale, blotchy skin with puffy eyes....these are not the qualities of kitty time or my dear readers. Mais non! We are pretty and parfais!

But alas, these angry emotions are a result of the idiotic President and his lemmings. Anyone with a brain has fallen asleep in Washington these last six years and terrible things have happened.

But gather round kittens...our dear politicians are marching to a new beat. They are stretching out their furs and coming out of hibernation because the people really did wake them up in November. In this first week of the new Congress, they are getting a good stretch in, a few downward facing dogs, wiping away the cobwebs from their cavernous offices...and SHOCKER - using their brains.

I was able to exhale and feel this new emotion when reading online news yesterday....what was this feeling? Relief? Joy? Happiness? Ahh...so much better for my complexion!!!

That's right, we finally raised the minimum wage and today, the House is planning to loosen restrictions on embryonic stem cell research! Hallejuah! We are off to a good start here, kittens, we can put our claws away until the idiot in the White House vetoes that bill.

And so, let us all take a few deep breathes, feel a bit of the weight lifting off our shoulders, give yourself a nod and a wink as you glance in the mirror and notice how much more refreshed you look this morning.....and feel good about the fact that this town is becoming a thinking woman's town. Decisions just might be made for the better.

(Caveat - I am not discussing the civil war in Iraq or the President's speech..and hopefully everyone listened to moi and watched what you DVR'd and read gossip mags last night instead).

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Granny and her Gavel

A fantastic column in today's Washington Post inspired my entry today. I was planning to write something sassy and full of one-lined quips about the President's painful speech tonight. But alas, I've been inspired to write again about Granny Speaker and her gavel. I highly recommend Ruth Marcus' column in today's Post:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/01/09/AR2007010901335.html

Why do you love it, kitty time? What is new or original in its content?

Well, nothing really. In fact, toot toot, let me toot my own horn, it's consistent with what I blogged about last week..down to the title of the column...tooot toot

That being said, Marcus raises a great point that we all can't hear enough - motherhood can go hand-in-hand with your career and it's not a scarlet letter anymore. I pretty flippantly talk about mommy-tracking myself - but I'm going to spin this in a positive light. Right now, my focus is my family, just as Pelosi's was until she was 47. She managed to translate that into a high powered career. Whether or not I will always want to work, if I will ever want to run an office - not sure - but kitty-time only knows present kitty-time. Behold, the future of kitty-time could be anything. I hear 40 is really dirty, not just 30.

So - fellow mom's and mom's-to-be - let's enjoy how Pelosi flaunts her granny-hood. Let's see how she can inspire not just other women, but employers, to continue to realize that there is no greater asset in your company than a working mom. No one has achieved more each morning before arriving to work, than working mom's. No one has better multi-tasking, planning and organizational skills - than working mom's.

And so, I leave you with this. Tonight, check out what you've recorded on your DVR, open up your latest gossip rag, avoid the President's painful speech that will only further demonstrate his revisionist historical views of why we went to war, the dangers our troops face, and instead, focus on the granny with the gavel, and whatever horrid thing Brit Brit has done lately......

Monday, January 8, 2007

Dads - Especially Dads-to-be

It's time we cover dads on kitty time. Yes, kitty time prefers to talk about herself on kitty time. Mais oui. But now, it's time to talk a bit about dads.

A few preggo's out there inspired me to write about dads today. The reason for my inspiration was that they commented on sending a previous kitty-time posting along to their husbands. I like that. Good thinking preggos.

So this is for you dads out there, really mainly, you dads-to-be.

Let's first talk about why dads are important. They play with babies differently that mom's do. They love their babies differently and they talk with them in a different way. Their role is fundamentally important. But they are also more important to their wives than ever before.

In the first week or so after having our baby, I was dependent on my husband in a way I never imagined. Part of it was because I was TERRIFIED to be alone in the house with the baby and really just wanted someone else to be there. But I also just really needed him emotionally. My body was torn apart. I was exhausted from labor. I was exhausted from 9 months of pregnancy. I was emotionally and physically exhausted and I needed my husband around.

Not only did I need him to be there. But I was delighted to watch him become a father. It was like a light switch turned on and overnight he became a doting dad and I loved seeing it. It's a joy of parenthood that we easily forget to talk about because we are so excited about the baby. But trust me ladies, it's really amazing seeing this new side of your husband that you never knew was there.

Back to the dads. This is a very important piece of advice for you new dads out there - your job is to love and support your wife. You aren't tired from the pregnancy. You arent tired from the labor. Sure, you might be tired because you were up all night long, on your feet, supporting her, while she was getting that baby out. But no one cares if you are tired from that. You don't even know tired yet.

Then the baby comes home and life changes. You, the new dad, might stay home a few days or a few weeks - but whatever it is - NEVER COMPLAIN TO YOUR WIFE ABOUT BEING TIRED.

And most importantly - never engage in the "Who's more tired" competition. Because guess what - you, dear dad, are not, if you want to roll up the sleeves and get into it. You might have to go off to work all day and come home to an emotional wife who quickly passes this baby off to you and barks at you to deal with it..and then she wonders what's for dinner....and is raging mad if you are two minutes later than expected...and then the baby is up every few hours all night and then you are off to work.

Sure, you're tired.

But keep it to yourself. Support your wife, love your baby, love your wife for bringing this miracle into the world, keep on trekking, and your wife will be all the grateful and love you all the more for it. She'll know you're tired. But she'll appreciate your support and she'll appreciate the fact that you respect her enough to know that it's not a competition and she is tired too.

So dad's - you are amazing and so very needed. But keep the tired complaining to your friends....and don't forget to bring flowers home to your wife on occasion. She'll definitely need them in those first few weeks.

Traveling and Working Moms

It seems that everyone under the sun has written about the complexities of being a working mom..and then add to it...a working mom who travels. I really have nothing new or original to say about it, which is largely why I haven't blogged about it yet. But over the weekend, I had to travel for work (and managed to squeeze in some fabulous friend/fun time) and my reaction to it, once again, took me by surprise. So now, kitty will speak on it.

First, let's revisit about this time last year, give or take a month. Returning to work after maternity leave was not what I expected. Maternity leave itself was an emotional rollercoaster for me. It seems that some women have found their calling, like an angel singing from heaven, and are happy beautiful new moms, soaking in the joy of their sweet new baby.

It's possible I despise those people and will just call them liars.

Kitty time...was not this mother.

It was all a fog for me. I actually enjoyed being alone for the first time in my life. I went from being the person that mocks crying women...to a full-blown crying woman. I graduate from crying in the shower every evening, to waking up crying, to crying on walks, to wondering what I had gotten myself into, to crying at the thought of having to leave this precious baby and return to work.

Reason or not, yours truly was crying. And somewhat out of her mind.

And so - the time came for me to return to work full time. Before having a baby, I expected to jump right back into the swing of things, return to work, and really not think twice about it. I NEVER expected to be the person that cried my way to work for quite some time.

I even..gasp...cried AT WORK those first few days back and asked people not to ask about my baby.

I then got busy mommy-tracking myself. Avoiding work trips, not really searching for new projects, coming in late, leaving early because suddenly - I no longer wanted to run the department...I sorta wanted to run away from it and back to my baby.

Which brings me to my work trip.

I was gone for 24 hours kids. My husband astutely pointed out that my baby would be awake for maybe 6 of the 24 hours I was gone.

And yet. I cried when I left the house.

I wouldn't let him bring her to the door to wave goodbye to me. I just slipped out and cried. Sure, I got it together a few minutes later - but was this really me? I mean - what the? Who the? How the?

It's true. It's moi now. I missed her while I was gone. I hated that I missed precious weekend time with her and it all just exacerbated my concerns that she isn't attached to me enough because I work full time.

I have nothing brilliant to say about any of this business of working and balancing life - except that it's hard and all I learned is that you might find yourself to be a completely different person once you have that baby than you were before. Just roll with it because it is what it is.

I am now a crier. I can't mock anyone for crying at commercials anymore.......