We all hear about it. Some whisper about it. Some shout from the rooftops, claiming they've got it. Some wonder why they can't find it. Others break down and seek solace in the drink, while looking for it. Then there are the worst offenders - the ones that not just shout from the rooftops, but weave it into every conversation, as if it is the most realistic, truest thing in the world and you are just the worst, most unorganized person for not having it. They, dear friends, are liars.
What is it?
Unicorns?
Santa?
The newest Marc Jacobs bag?
The tooth fairy?
Mais non, sweet kittens....it is BALANCE. LIFE BALANCE after having a kid.
Guess what. You'll hear it here first. Deal with it, suckers.
IT DOESN'T EXIST.
If you are a new mamma, an expectant mamma, an old timer mamma, a "do I even want to bother dealing but thinking about it" woman - just deal with it. Internalize it now. Balance as you once knew it - not gonna happen.
"But what about my gym time and my great body?"
"But what about my weekly manicures?"
"But what about my career and all my work travel, I've worked so hard for it?"
Guess what?
It's not about you anymore.
Another thing you need to just deal with.
But don't fret, sweet cherubs, all is not lost.
It just requires give and take, compromise and a willingness to accept that your life is now different. And sadly, so is your body. (Especially your boobies.)
But back to give and take and compromise. Do not be a martyr. Then no one will feel sorry for you. All the give and take and compromise - does not rest solely on your shoulders. It is the job requirement of BOTH PARENTS, last time I checked, to be actively involved in their child's life, to compromise their lifestyles, and to give up some extracurricular activities, be they manicures, gym time, or happy hour.
Kitty time does not believe all is lost. You just do these things less frequently or at times that used to seem very undesirable. Example - early morning is a great time for a workout. It wakes you up, it reduces under eye puffiness, and gives you some quiet time to just enjoy to yourself while everyone else rests.
But back to this whole give and take thing - kitty time firmly believes that while women should not be martyrs and take on all these responsibilities of juggling and compromise themselves, you must also be realistic. Your partner might not clue in as quickly as you, and like anything, it takes a lot of work and commitment to train the male husband to learn how to take initiative, do the laundry without asking, decline a happy hour invitation without being told too, or purchase milk on his way home from work without being asked to.
But with perseverance, a lot of patience and a willingness to do things differently than you did before - you can hold onto pieces of yourself from before - and still enjoy life, even if a little off balance.
Friday, January 12, 2007
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Coming out of hibernation....in January
For the last 6 years, kitty time has gone through a rollercoaster of emotions. Rage, horror, anger, numbness, anxiety, back to rage and horror and anger....
This has made kitty time very upset. These negative feelings take a toll on pretty skin and make it difficult for a good, solid night's sleep. Pale, blotchy skin with puffy eyes....these are not the qualities of kitty time or my dear readers. Mais non! We are pretty and parfais!
But alas, these angry emotions are a result of the idiotic President and his lemmings. Anyone with a brain has fallen asleep in Washington these last six years and terrible things have happened.
But gather round kittens...our dear politicians are marching to a new beat. They are stretching out their furs and coming out of hibernation because the people really did wake them up in November. In this first week of the new Congress, they are getting a good stretch in, a few downward facing dogs, wiping away the cobwebs from their cavernous offices...and SHOCKER - using their brains.
I was able to exhale and feel this new emotion when reading online news yesterday....what was this feeling? Relief? Joy? Happiness? Ahh...so much better for my complexion!!!
That's right, we finally raised the minimum wage and today, the House is planning to loosen restrictions on embryonic stem cell research! Hallejuah! We are off to a good start here, kittens, we can put our claws away until the idiot in the White House vetoes that bill.
And so, let us all take a few deep breathes, feel a bit of the weight lifting off our shoulders, give yourself a nod and a wink as you glance in the mirror and notice how much more refreshed you look this morning.....and feel good about the fact that this town is becoming a thinking woman's town. Decisions just might be made for the better.
(Caveat - I am not discussing the civil war in Iraq or the President's speech..and hopefully everyone listened to moi and watched what you DVR'd and read gossip mags last night instead).
This has made kitty time very upset. These negative feelings take a toll on pretty skin and make it difficult for a good, solid night's sleep. Pale, blotchy skin with puffy eyes....these are not the qualities of kitty time or my dear readers. Mais non! We are pretty and parfais!
But alas, these angry emotions are a result of the idiotic President and his lemmings. Anyone with a brain has fallen asleep in Washington these last six years and terrible things have happened.
But gather round kittens...our dear politicians are marching to a new beat. They are stretching out their furs and coming out of hibernation because the people really did wake them up in November. In this first week of the new Congress, they are getting a good stretch in, a few downward facing dogs, wiping away the cobwebs from their cavernous offices...and SHOCKER - using their brains.
I was able to exhale and feel this new emotion when reading online news yesterday....what was this feeling? Relief? Joy? Happiness? Ahh...so much better for my complexion!!!
That's right, we finally raised the minimum wage and today, the House is planning to loosen restrictions on embryonic stem cell research! Hallejuah! We are off to a good start here, kittens, we can put our claws away until the idiot in the White House vetoes that bill.
And so, let us all take a few deep breathes, feel a bit of the weight lifting off our shoulders, give yourself a nod and a wink as you glance in the mirror and notice how much more refreshed you look this morning.....and feel good about the fact that this town is becoming a thinking woman's town. Decisions just might be made for the better.
(Caveat - I am not discussing the civil war in Iraq or the President's speech..and hopefully everyone listened to moi and watched what you DVR'd and read gossip mags last night instead).
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
Granny and her Gavel
A fantastic column in today's Washington Post inspired my entry today. I was planning to write something sassy and full of one-lined quips about the President's painful speech tonight. But alas, I've been inspired to write again about Granny Speaker and her gavel. I highly recommend Ruth Marcus' column in today's Post:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/01/09/AR2007010901335.html
Why do you love it, kitty time? What is new or original in its content?
Well, nothing really. In fact, toot toot, let me toot my own horn, it's consistent with what I blogged about last week..down to the title of the column...tooot toot
That being said, Marcus raises a great point that we all can't hear enough - motherhood can go hand-in-hand with your career and it's not a scarlet letter anymore. I pretty flippantly talk about mommy-tracking myself - but I'm going to spin this in a positive light. Right now, my focus is my family, just as Pelosi's was until she was 47. She managed to translate that into a high powered career. Whether or not I will always want to work, if I will ever want to run an office - not sure - but kitty-time only knows present kitty-time. Behold, the future of kitty-time could be anything. I hear 40 is really dirty, not just 30.
So - fellow mom's and mom's-to-be - let's enjoy how Pelosi flaunts her granny-hood. Let's see how she can inspire not just other women, but employers, to continue to realize that there is no greater asset in your company than a working mom. No one has achieved more each morning before arriving to work, than working mom's. No one has better multi-tasking, planning and organizational skills - than working mom's.
And so, I leave you with this. Tonight, check out what you've recorded on your DVR, open up your latest gossip rag, avoid the President's painful speech that will only further demonstrate his revisionist historical views of why we went to war, the dangers our troops face, and instead, focus on the granny with the gavel, and whatever horrid thing Brit Brit has done lately......
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/01/09/AR2007010901335.html
Why do you love it, kitty time? What is new or original in its content?
Well, nothing really. In fact, toot toot, let me toot my own horn, it's consistent with what I blogged about last week..down to the title of the column...tooot toot
That being said, Marcus raises a great point that we all can't hear enough - motherhood can go hand-in-hand with your career and it's not a scarlet letter anymore. I pretty flippantly talk about mommy-tracking myself - but I'm going to spin this in a positive light. Right now, my focus is my family, just as Pelosi's was until she was 47. She managed to translate that into a high powered career. Whether or not I will always want to work, if I will ever want to run an office - not sure - but kitty-time only knows present kitty-time. Behold, the future of kitty-time could be anything. I hear 40 is really dirty, not just 30.
So - fellow mom's and mom's-to-be - let's enjoy how Pelosi flaunts her granny-hood. Let's see how she can inspire not just other women, but employers, to continue to realize that there is no greater asset in your company than a working mom. No one has achieved more each morning before arriving to work, than working mom's. No one has better multi-tasking, planning and organizational skills - than working mom's.
And so, I leave you with this. Tonight, check out what you've recorded on your DVR, open up your latest gossip rag, avoid the President's painful speech that will only further demonstrate his revisionist historical views of why we went to war, the dangers our troops face, and instead, focus on the granny with the gavel, and whatever horrid thing Brit Brit has done lately......
Monday, January 8, 2007
Dads - Especially Dads-to-be
It's time we cover dads on kitty time. Yes, kitty time prefers to talk about herself on kitty time. Mais oui. But now, it's time to talk a bit about dads.
A few preggo's out there inspired me to write about dads today. The reason for my inspiration was that they commented on sending a previous kitty-time posting along to their husbands. I like that. Good thinking preggos.
So this is for you dads out there, really mainly, you dads-to-be.
Let's first talk about why dads are important. They play with babies differently that mom's do. They love their babies differently and they talk with them in a different way. Their role is fundamentally important. But they are also more important to their wives than ever before.
In the first week or so after having our baby, I was dependent on my husband in a way I never imagined. Part of it was because I was TERRIFIED to be alone in the house with the baby and really just wanted someone else to be there. But I also just really needed him emotionally. My body was torn apart. I was exhausted from labor. I was exhausted from 9 months of pregnancy. I was emotionally and physically exhausted and I needed my husband around.
Not only did I need him to be there. But I was delighted to watch him become a father. It was like a light switch turned on and overnight he became a doting dad and I loved seeing it. It's a joy of parenthood that we easily forget to talk about because we are so excited about the baby. But trust me ladies, it's really amazing seeing this new side of your husband that you never knew was there.
Back to the dads. This is a very important piece of advice for you new dads out there - your job is to love and support your wife. You aren't tired from the pregnancy. You arent tired from the labor. Sure, you might be tired because you were up all night long, on your feet, supporting her, while she was getting that baby out. But no one cares if you are tired from that. You don't even know tired yet.
Then the baby comes home and life changes. You, the new dad, might stay home a few days or a few weeks - but whatever it is - NEVER COMPLAIN TO YOUR WIFE ABOUT BEING TIRED.
And most importantly - never engage in the "Who's more tired" competition. Because guess what - you, dear dad, are not, if you want to roll up the sleeves and get into it. You might have to go off to work all day and come home to an emotional wife who quickly passes this baby off to you and barks at you to deal with it..and then she wonders what's for dinner....and is raging mad if you are two minutes later than expected...and then the baby is up every few hours all night and then you are off to work.
Sure, you're tired.
But keep it to yourself. Support your wife, love your baby, love your wife for bringing this miracle into the world, keep on trekking, and your wife will be all the grateful and love you all the more for it. She'll know you're tired. But she'll appreciate your support and she'll appreciate the fact that you respect her enough to know that it's not a competition and she is tired too.
So dad's - you are amazing and so very needed. But keep the tired complaining to your friends....and don't forget to bring flowers home to your wife on occasion. She'll definitely need them in those first few weeks.
A few preggo's out there inspired me to write about dads today. The reason for my inspiration was that they commented on sending a previous kitty-time posting along to their husbands. I like that. Good thinking preggos.
So this is for you dads out there, really mainly, you dads-to-be.
Let's first talk about why dads are important. They play with babies differently that mom's do. They love their babies differently and they talk with them in a different way. Their role is fundamentally important. But they are also more important to their wives than ever before.
In the first week or so after having our baby, I was dependent on my husband in a way I never imagined. Part of it was because I was TERRIFIED to be alone in the house with the baby and really just wanted someone else to be there. But I also just really needed him emotionally. My body was torn apart. I was exhausted from labor. I was exhausted from 9 months of pregnancy. I was emotionally and physically exhausted and I needed my husband around.
Not only did I need him to be there. But I was delighted to watch him become a father. It was like a light switch turned on and overnight he became a doting dad and I loved seeing it. It's a joy of parenthood that we easily forget to talk about because we are so excited about the baby. But trust me ladies, it's really amazing seeing this new side of your husband that you never knew was there.
Back to the dads. This is a very important piece of advice for you new dads out there - your job is to love and support your wife. You aren't tired from the pregnancy. You arent tired from the labor. Sure, you might be tired because you were up all night long, on your feet, supporting her, while she was getting that baby out. But no one cares if you are tired from that. You don't even know tired yet.
Then the baby comes home and life changes. You, the new dad, might stay home a few days or a few weeks - but whatever it is - NEVER COMPLAIN TO YOUR WIFE ABOUT BEING TIRED.
And most importantly - never engage in the "Who's more tired" competition. Because guess what - you, dear dad, are not, if you want to roll up the sleeves and get into it. You might have to go off to work all day and come home to an emotional wife who quickly passes this baby off to you and barks at you to deal with it..and then she wonders what's for dinner....and is raging mad if you are two minutes later than expected...and then the baby is up every few hours all night and then you are off to work.
Sure, you're tired.
But keep it to yourself. Support your wife, love your baby, love your wife for bringing this miracle into the world, keep on trekking, and your wife will be all the grateful and love you all the more for it. She'll know you're tired. But she'll appreciate your support and she'll appreciate the fact that you respect her enough to know that it's not a competition and she is tired too.
So dad's - you are amazing and so very needed. But keep the tired complaining to your friends....and don't forget to bring flowers home to your wife on occasion. She'll definitely need them in those first few weeks.
Traveling and Working Moms
It seems that everyone under the sun has written about the complexities of being a working mom..and then add to it...a working mom who travels. I really have nothing new or original to say about it, which is largely why I haven't blogged about it yet. But over the weekend, I had to travel for work (and managed to squeeze in some fabulous friend/fun time) and my reaction to it, once again, took me by surprise. So now, kitty will speak on it.
First, let's revisit about this time last year, give or take a month. Returning to work after maternity leave was not what I expected. Maternity leave itself was an emotional rollercoaster for me. It seems that some women have found their calling, like an angel singing from heaven, and are happy beautiful new moms, soaking in the joy of their sweet new baby.
It's possible I despise those people and will just call them liars.
Kitty time...was not this mother.
It was all a fog for me. I actually enjoyed being alone for the first time in my life. I went from being the person that mocks crying women...to a full-blown crying woman. I graduate from crying in the shower every evening, to waking up crying, to crying on walks, to wondering what I had gotten myself into, to crying at the thought of having to leave this precious baby and return to work.
Reason or not, yours truly was crying. And somewhat out of her mind.
And so - the time came for me to return to work full time. Before having a baby, I expected to jump right back into the swing of things, return to work, and really not think twice about it. I NEVER expected to be the person that cried my way to work for quite some time.
I even..gasp...cried AT WORK those first few days back and asked people not to ask about my baby.
I then got busy mommy-tracking myself. Avoiding work trips, not really searching for new projects, coming in late, leaving early because suddenly - I no longer wanted to run the department...I sorta wanted to run away from it and back to my baby.
Which brings me to my work trip.
I was gone for 24 hours kids. My husband astutely pointed out that my baby would be awake for maybe 6 of the 24 hours I was gone.
And yet. I cried when I left the house.
I wouldn't let him bring her to the door to wave goodbye to me. I just slipped out and cried. Sure, I got it together a few minutes later - but was this really me? I mean - what the? Who the? How the?
It's true. It's moi now. I missed her while I was gone. I hated that I missed precious weekend time with her and it all just exacerbated my concerns that she isn't attached to me enough because I work full time.
I have nothing brilliant to say about any of this business of working and balancing life - except that it's hard and all I learned is that you might find yourself to be a completely different person once you have that baby than you were before. Just roll with it because it is what it is.
I am now a crier. I can't mock anyone for crying at commercials anymore.......
First, let's revisit about this time last year, give or take a month. Returning to work after maternity leave was not what I expected. Maternity leave itself was an emotional rollercoaster for me. It seems that some women have found their calling, like an angel singing from heaven, and are happy beautiful new moms, soaking in the joy of their sweet new baby.
It's possible I despise those people and will just call them liars.
Kitty time...was not this mother.
It was all a fog for me. I actually enjoyed being alone for the first time in my life. I went from being the person that mocks crying women...to a full-blown crying woman. I graduate from crying in the shower every evening, to waking up crying, to crying on walks, to wondering what I had gotten myself into, to crying at the thought of having to leave this precious baby and return to work.
Reason or not, yours truly was crying. And somewhat out of her mind.
And so - the time came for me to return to work full time. Before having a baby, I expected to jump right back into the swing of things, return to work, and really not think twice about it. I NEVER expected to be the person that cried my way to work for quite some time.
I even..gasp...cried AT WORK those first few days back and asked people not to ask about my baby.
I then got busy mommy-tracking myself. Avoiding work trips, not really searching for new projects, coming in late, leaving early because suddenly - I no longer wanted to run the department...I sorta wanted to run away from it and back to my baby.
Which brings me to my work trip.
I was gone for 24 hours kids. My husband astutely pointed out that my baby would be awake for maybe 6 of the 24 hours I was gone.
And yet. I cried when I left the house.
I wouldn't let him bring her to the door to wave goodbye to me. I just slipped out and cried. Sure, I got it together a few minutes later - but was this really me? I mean - what the? Who the? How the?
It's true. It's moi now. I missed her while I was gone. I hated that I missed precious weekend time with her and it all just exacerbated my concerns that she isn't attached to me enough because I work full time.
I have nothing brilliant to say about any of this business of working and balancing life - except that it's hard and all I learned is that you might find yourself to be a completely different person once you have that baby than you were before. Just roll with it because it is what it is.
I am now a crier. I can't mock anyone for crying at commercials anymore.......
Friday, January 5, 2007
Madame Speaker
Let me join the hundreds who have already written about yesterday's monumental day. That's right. Nancy Pelosi became the first female Speaker of the House. She took that gavel and cracked the marble ceiling. I think what's important to note is that she just cracked the marble ceiling, it's not broken down with a view of the sky. Madame Speaker did get a little carried away in her speech yesterday and declared that the marble ceiling is broken down for all of our daughters and granddaughers to soak in a view of the stars. Let's not get ahead of ourselves, Madame.
Need I get into how we are the only industrialized country in the world without a federal maternity leave policy? How about how prevalent discrimination towards mothers and pregnant women is in today's workplace. And no, not just blue collar work. Most definitely also in white collar jobs. We've all seen it. Where is the national healthcare? How about federally funded child care so that women can go back to work and can afford good child care for their beloved children. I could go on and on and on and on.
So - while the marble ceiling is still very much in tact.....Madame Pelosi did put a crack in it....and only time will tell how deep that crack is. Until then, let's enjoy watching our first female Speaker, a mother of five and grandmother of I don't know how many.
Need I get into how we are the only industrialized country in the world without a federal maternity leave policy? How about how prevalent discrimination towards mothers and pregnant women is in today's workplace. And no, not just blue collar work. Most definitely also in white collar jobs. We've all seen it. Where is the national healthcare? How about federally funded child care so that women can go back to work and can afford good child care for their beloved children. I could go on and on and on and on.
So - while the marble ceiling is still very much in tact.....Madame Pelosi did put a crack in it....and only time will tell how deep that crack is. Until then, let's enjoy watching our first female Speaker, a mother of five and grandmother of I don't know how many.
Wednesday, January 3, 2007
New Years Resolutions
Kitty time sadly packed up her bag and headed off to work yesterday after 10 glorious days with her fabulous little daughter. It wasn't as daunting as returning to work after maternity leave, I definitely didn't cry my entire way to the office, but I did have a heavy heart. Starting off the year feeling sad seemed so lame......which was why Kitty Time cleverly wore a new purchase to lift her spirits...ahh..to say shopping doesn't mend a sad heart is fool's speak.
Now...let's get started off right in the New Year. Hopefully you all followed my sage advice and are turning the new year into the year of paper. If not, refer to my previous posting for some great links and ideas.
As for it being a new year.....do we really need a resolution? Who ever really makes a new year's resolution and sticks with it? What's the point? Is it another form of Catholic guilt just being pushed off onto us in a secular way? Or is kitty time just a selfish place for selfish gals who don't need resolutions? C'est vrai? Mais oui!
So INSTEAD..let's discuss the resolutions those around us should make. I'll start.....I love to go first.....and have the last word....
1. To all the bosses out there - your resolution is to give us more flexibility because we all need more time off. And more money.
2. To the preggos out there- your resolution is to relax and pamper yourself in your third trimester because it's the last chance you have to make it all about you for a long time. In particular, kitty time recommends a preggo massage around week 34.
3. To the husbands out there - your resolutions are as follows: bring your wife flowers sporadically throughout the year for no other reason than she is perfect and wonderful and beautiful. Bring your wife occasional gifts. They do not need to be expensive. Just thoughtful. Do the laundry without being asked to do it. Make dinner some nights without asking what should be made. And finally, when asked to do a chore, just do it without being asked again so that we can make the word "nag" dead to us all.
4. To the babies out there - sleep through the night as soon as possible and learn how to become potty trained without much effort. No need to rush talking or walking - it's all over rated. Trust moi.
5. To the hard working beloved kitty time readers - make time to focus on you. Go to the spa. Channel your inner diva. Take a step back, pat yourself on your back and toot your own horn for all your fabulous successes and future successes and be grateful for all that you have...because if you are a dear reader, you are cute, stylish, smart, successful and loved by many.
Finally..fret not...dear readers..this is not the last word for kitty time...I just like having the last word in general.
Bonne Annee!
Now...let's get started off right in the New Year. Hopefully you all followed my sage advice and are turning the new year into the year of paper. If not, refer to my previous posting for some great links and ideas.
As for it being a new year.....do we really need a resolution? Who ever really makes a new year's resolution and sticks with it? What's the point? Is it another form of Catholic guilt just being pushed off onto us in a secular way? Or is kitty time just a selfish place for selfish gals who don't need resolutions? C'est vrai? Mais oui!
So INSTEAD..let's discuss the resolutions those around us should make. I'll start.....I love to go first.....and have the last word....
1. To all the bosses out there - your resolution is to give us more flexibility because we all need more time off. And more money.
2. To the preggos out there- your resolution is to relax and pamper yourself in your third trimester because it's the last chance you have to make it all about you for a long time. In particular, kitty time recommends a preggo massage around week 34.
3. To the husbands out there - your resolutions are as follows: bring your wife flowers sporadically throughout the year for no other reason than she is perfect and wonderful and beautiful. Bring your wife occasional gifts. They do not need to be expensive. Just thoughtful. Do the laundry without being asked to do it. Make dinner some nights without asking what should be made. And finally, when asked to do a chore, just do it without being asked again so that we can make the word "nag" dead to us all.
4. To the babies out there - sleep through the night as soon as possible and learn how to become potty trained without much effort. No need to rush talking or walking - it's all over rated. Trust moi.
5. To the hard working beloved kitty time readers - make time to focus on you. Go to the spa. Channel your inner diva. Take a step back, pat yourself on your back and toot your own horn for all your fabulous successes and future successes and be grateful for all that you have...because if you are a dear reader, you are cute, stylish, smart, successful and loved by many.
Finally..fret not...dear readers..this is not the last word for kitty time...I just like having the last word in general.
Bonne Annee!
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